User:Michaelammd11/Cathedral Provincial Park and Protected Area/Moose43 Peer Review

General info
Michaelammd11, EllaMagnussen, Bentriggs, Jimbo917
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Michaelammd11/Cathedral Provincial Park and Protected Area
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Cathedral Provincial Park and Protected Area

Evaluate the drafted changes
I appreciated the depth of your article! It seems like you all put a lot of effort into gathering information and your work represents a clear upgrade on the bare bones article that currently exists. Thanks for your effort, looking forward to reviewing it!

Some general feedback I have for your group:

Positive feedback
In the history section, I appreciate the subheadings that talk more about the various elements of the park, like geology and cultural history. I found these to be visually appealing and engaging, while also making these sections easier to read (as opposed to a big, uninterrupted chunk of text). I think if you were to expand this to other parts of your draft, your article would look really good! I also really appreciated the level of detail throughout your draft. Excellent attention to detail! Your sources also all appear to be reliable sources, and most of them are recent sources as well. You incorporate these sources without allowing them to substitute for your own work, which I really appreciated. Because of your incorporation of the sources, your work maintains a consistent voice that makes it easier to read. Good job!

I definitely learned more about the management goals, ecology and history of your park. I appreciated reading it because I had a chance to learn more about a park that I had previously known not as much about. I really liked learning more about the wildlife in the park, so I can keep my eyes open if i ever visit!

Content:
Of the many categories provided to address in your article, I was able to clearly identify information from the following five categories:


 * 1) How the boundaries and size of the protected area were decided (The second paragraph of Park Management)
 * 2) Description of the issues/goals that led to the creation of the protected area (In the third paragraph of Park Management)
 * 3) Information about any species that are endemic (In the section of the same name)
 * 4) Information about First Nations whose traditional and ancestral territory/ies are included in the protected area (In the cultural history subheading)
 * 5) How climate change is predicted to affect the ecology of the protected area (Climate change and ecological impacts section)

Content pt. 2:
There were a few more sections that were included, such as historical use, visitors to the park, species information, species at risk and whether the goals are being met, I found they were a little bit underdeveloped or were already there before your draft.

Historical uses was missing some details about "of how much and when". When did logging first begin? How much was taken?

Visitors to the park: This section is covered under recreation, in the original article draft.

Species information: I appreciated the thorough description of the park's wildlife; however, I struggled to find any description of the park's plant life.

Species at risk: You mention some elements, such as low species numbers and some threats to the species, however, you could expand this by adding more information. For instance, do these species have any SARA, IUCN, or COSEWIC documentation? This could help add some more depth to this category.

Whether the goals are being met: This section is difficult because you mention that the current management plan is quite old. It might be helpful to consider how these goals are being measured.

I definitely was interested to learn more about the plant life and general ecology of the park. Your zoological research was spot on and I feel like your ecological section would be improved with more botanical information!

Clarity:
There were a few places where your group's article is not fully clear. Here are a few I noticed:


 * The Sorona Skipper is a, is a skipper
 * However, the area in which they live can also include, forest openings, clearcuts and logged areas, and roadside areas (unnecessary comma after include, and missing period after roadside areas).
 * In the Ashnola River area which includes, which includes ...
 * Various missing periods, misplaced commas and run-on sentences that I have underlined in the few paragraphs below:

Mule Deer have, large ears, a white rump, and a white tail with a black tip, they c an grow to over one meter tall and can weigh 30 to 210 kilogram s Th e males, grow antlers each year. They ca n be, found in almost every area in B.C, but are typically found in the Lower Mainland, as well as the Coast and Mountai ns Mul e Deer are vegetarian and will eat grass and s hrubs

Porcupines have a brown coat of hair that is covered with up to 30,000 sharp quills which can grow up to 12.5 centimeters lo ng Th e tips of the quills are covered in barbs in order to protect themselves from enem ies Po rcupines can be found across Canada and in the western US. They always live in or near trees where they can use a brush to use for their nest s Porcup ine s, w ill mostly eat the inner bark of trees as their main source of food

Columbia Ground Squi rrel, have white-speckled brown, black, and gray fur on their head and back. It has red fur on its face nose and legs. Its tail is red and the porcupine (do you mean squirrel?) has white around its ey es T he squirrel can be found, in eastern British Columbia and Alberta, Washington, and Ida ho The Columbian Ground Squir rel, ca n be found in meadows and grasslan ds Th ey can e at, gras s and plant parts such as  stems and leaves

Some of these errors, especially the commas, can make some sections confusing.

The rest of the work was relatively clear and easy to read. Good job!

Structure
As I mentioned earlier, I appreciated the subheadings you employ in some sections of the article. They really help to organize your text. Additionally, it is clear why sentences are grouped into their various sections. The sentences relate to each other and continue to build on the main theme of each paragraph. One piece of feedback I would have is to add more subheadings, especially into the longer chunks of text (Park management, endemic species and wildlife). For endemic species and wildlife, I would also consider shorting the main headings into something more digestible.

Tone
Your article maintains a professional and neutral tone throughout. You do a good job of providing information without bias or an opinion. This contributes to a highly informative piece that provides readers with the information they need to create their own opinions.

Balance
Most of the article is balanced well. The sections of endemic species and park wildlife do get bogged down in the details a little bit. I feel that your article does not need to address the habits of porcupines, mule deer or ground squirrels because other articles exist for those species. In the endemic species section, I would consider finding a way to condense the information about the goats down a little bit. This way, readers can retain some of the excellent details you include in this section without having to wade through some of the unnecessary information included in this section.

Whose voice is heard?
I appreciated the inclusion of diverse perspectives on the park. While I understand research and sources can be limited, it might be beneficial to look for more information on how Indigenous Nations access the park, especially in a contemporary context. I'm sure this will be a part of the new management plan, but it would be helpful to include any relevant information you can find. By doing that, you can ensure that these groups are represented not just in a historical context, but as current stakeholders in the management and direction of this park and protected area.

Thanks again for your great work, best of luck going forward with this assignment!