User:Mikeefarrar/Sport communication/Ed.osterberger Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mikeefarrar


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Editing User:Mikeefarrar/Sport communication - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Sport communication - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
The restructuring of the first paragraph was much needed and I think that this revised lead sounds much more professional. The removal of words like can and would for phases like "is not" or "it encompasses" as well as the addition of citations help add to the credibility of what is being said. These types of changes all help make this lead fit within Wikipedia guidelines as well. The career section could be added on to in the actual sports communication page so I support your decision in this topic. The writing in this section seems to be more of a draft and could benefit from some general grammatical revision. I think it is a great start but some additional citations and more neutral narrative might help this section sound more Wikipedia approved. Organization could also be improved as the goal of these two paragraphs is a little unknown. As a whole, I think this draft is on the right track and helps fulfill a content gap, but could benefit from some structural revision as well as some more research.