User:Mikethewaterdrinker/Wesley waldron

Wesley Duncan Waldron was born December 25, 1978 to an Irish farm hand named Shamus McGintus, his mother a blackjack dealer from Arkhangel'skoye, Moscow whose only known as Felicity. After his father was murdered by ninjas, his mother was forced to give him up to a southern California orphanage. Subsequently adopted by Tony Cipriani, young Wesley was raised brutally, always being taught to despise other nationalities, especially the Puerto Ricans. Fortunately his feelings of rage and anger did not keep him from attaining employment from call centers. It was around this time that he met and befriended a young man by the name of Michael Phillips. Although more athletic and better looking than himself, Wesley would carry on about Michael's shortcomings, such as being 5'6" tall, which although is a normal height, gave Wesley (at 6 feet tall) room to poke fun at the ridiculously handsome Michael. At these remarks, Michael began allegations that Wesley considered fecal matter a delicacy. This upset Wesley more than he would admit, because he did in fact, enjoy eating poop.