User:Milenaphilips/Endeavour Hydrothermal Vents/Kaescat Peer Review

General info

 * Endeavour Hydrothermal Vents by Milenaphilips, Aadibatahseen, Solarstics, and KinngDa1

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Milenaphilips/Endeavour_Hydrothermal_Vents?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Endeavour Hydrothermal Vents

Overall Impressions
Overall, I think this draft did a good job at giving me information about a Marine Protected Area as well as information about hydrothermal vents that I did not know about before. I think that this draft enhanced the article and made it more complete. There were some very strong sections with enough detail while still being concise and the sections that stood out to me the most and were very easily understood were the Biodiversity section as well as the Fluid Fluxes and Chemistry sections. There were also a few sections that could have been made stronger or sections that could have been included as well

Lead
I'm not sure if this draft included a lead/introduction section. If the lead section was the first few sentences for the draft, I think it could've been worked on a lot more. A brief introduction sentence for the protected area and topic of the article would have been good to add. A sentence on what new sections to the article that were added would have been nice to see too to help the readers understand the overall flow and structure of the article.

Structural component and seismic activity section
This sections had a good balance of detail and being concise. I think this section provides relevant information and it explains to the reader about how these vents are formed and how the get their size.

Fluid Circulation
This section seemed to be missing or left out. I think it would be best to remove this section entirely as it would fit in well under the fluid fluxes and chemistry section. I think adding this section could lead to repeating information and instead, the Fluid Fluxes and Chemistry section can be enhanced with the information that was going to be put into this section.

Fluid Fluxes and Chemistry
This section was very clear and concise. This section gave good information about how the fluid fluxes and chemistry influence the function of the hydrothermal vents as well as its surrounding environments including surrounding organisms.

I think some photos/diagrams of the hydrothermal vents can help the reader better understand, the flow, circulation, and overall structure of these vents, but overall great descriptions!

Biodiversity
This section was also very strong and easy to follow. I liked that you included some fun information about the unique species only being found in that area. Maybe add in the other names of the other 11 species as well. You did a good job at including that the sea spider is an imperiled species. is this the only endangered/imperiled species in the area? And what are the reason, causes, and threats that lead to this species becoming imperiled?

I also appreciated that this section was split into two sub-sections as it made the information about microorganisms and invertebrates clear. I liked that you included the information about the relationship between these organisms and the area/structures.

Marine protected area designation and expeditions
I think this section could've used a bit more information about the marine protected area itself. I think some things that should be included would be the overall area of the MPA (size), the reason why it needs to be an MPA, what exactly is being protected, who is in control of the MPA, the different partners involved etc. I did like that you included the different management techniques being used for the MPA, the different vents that are and aren't included in the management plan, as well as the cabled observatory section which explains how the vents are observed and studied.

I don't believe this draft currently meets the goals of having at least five of the topics mentioned in the assignment outline included in the draft. I think some of the topics you guys can include in your draft to meet this goal that would also enhance your draft would be:

- Description of the issues/goals that led to the creation of the protected area

- How the boundaries and size of the protected area were decided

- Information about First Nations whose traditional and ancestral territory/ies are included in the protected area

- Whether First Nations were included in the process creating the protected area, or whether they supported the creation of the protected area

I think it is very important to include a section about First Nations perspectives and their traditional lands and waters as this MPA is located on First Nations traditional and unceded territory.

Tone, Language, and Balance.
I think that you guys had a great tone throughout the whole draft. It was kept neutral and I never felt that I was being persuaded to believe something or felt that information was biased while reading the draft. I think the balance was well done as well. Like I have mentioned before, there was a good balance with precise information while also being concise. The language was very easy to follow. I think there was only one sentence that I thought was a bit confusing to understand. This is under the Structural component and seismic activity section. The sentence,"Minerals that are dissolved in the vent fluid give rise to these", was a bit confusing to me. If it could be worded better to explain what "give rise to these" means than that would improve my understanding. I liked the structure and the layout of the topics made sense and were easy to follow!

References and Sources
I think you guys had a great amount of references and sources that all seemed to be reliable sources, so good job here!