User:Milenaphilips/Endeavour Hydrothermal Vents/Sasonj Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Milenaphilips, Aadibatahseen, Solaristics, KinngDa1


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Milenaphilips/Endeavour_Hydrothermal_Vents?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Endeavour Hydrothermal Vents

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall

I think you guys did a good job in adding details and expanding on the sections that were already published. Everything added was relevant and a good addition to the existing article. The sources and references were also well chosen and reliable. The 'Temperature' and 'Chemical Ecology' paragraphs under the 'Fluid fluxes and chemistry section' in particular were really well written and concise. I think you guys should go through the article and add some commas when needed, since some sentences sounded a bit long. I added some suggestions below, mainly relating to sentence structure and grammar. Good job!

Lead

One thing I was confused about in your lead section is the '20-km-long, 1-km-wide rift valley' line. In the original article's Geology section, it states '90 km long', so I'm not sure if it's referring to the same thing, or the sources are contradicting each other. Also, instead of 'main piece of Juan de Fuca ridge', it could be worded as the 'primary section of Juan de Fuca ridge', to be more formal.

Content

The content was well written and there isn't any section I would add or remove. These are the notes/suggestions I would make for sentence structure:


 * Fluid Fluxes section:
 * "The water is supplied by the ocean and..." The "and" can be removed and a comma could be added.


 * Thermal Biology section:
 * The line "from just centimeter to meter scales" was a little confusing to read and understand at first.
 * The lines "The hydrothermal vents wouldn’t normally be thought of as able to sustain a stable habitat due to the turbulent nature of the vent fluid; however, the hydrothermal habitats have been found to be stable for months on end. The one exception to this, however, is when the temperature spikes to above 40°C in the month of April" can be rewritten as "The hydrothermal habitats have been found to be stable for months on end, an exception being 40°C temperature spikes in the month of April". I thought the first part of the original line wasn't really needed and it could have been more concise.
 * Biodiversity section:
 * The line about the 12 unique species including the sea spider was already in the original article, not sure if I'm supposed to mention that or not.
 * Marine Protected Area section:
 * In "572 hydrothermal sulfide chimneys total of which only 47 are known to be currently active within...", a comma could be added after 'total', seems like a run on sentence
 * Cabled Observatory section:
 * The last past of the last line could be simplified to "better research opportunities and MPA management."

Tone and Balance

The tone and balance of the article was neutral, which is good. There isn't anything I would change for this.

Sources and References

Overall, the sources and references were reliable, however, I noticed the Scientific Discoveries section seemed to be missing citations.

Organization

Everything was well organized and consistent with the original articles structure.