User:MilyMiracles/Angel valencia

angel valencia, possibly a demigod, is tom marvolo riddle's 8th undiscovered horcrux. his name dare not be spoken...in fact, it will not even be used again in this wikipedia entry: forget you read it.

his birth date and year is october 29th, 1929. some financial analysts say that his birth brought about the stock market crash. while highly likely, it's completely unproven and they're just haters. Moving on.

his early life is mostly hearsay but he once was so thirsty he drank all the water on mars...sucks for the martians. someone once told him to go 'kick rocks' and the grand canyon was created, you're welcome, nature. he enjoys engaging pets into tugs-of-war for delicious pieces of meat, but this is normal behavior for people that embody the awesome.

when it comes to athletics he is wayne gretsky, brian boitano, michael jordan, mohammad ali, michael phelps, lance armstrong, wally west and jimmy olson all rolled into one big heap of sexy.

while his love life is as free as the sunday samples at costco, he is eternally betrothed to his hetero-lifemate, craigton dobson. theirs is a love story that knows no bounds. his amorous alter-ego, patrick, has been known to drown women (and men) in their own water-balloon parties. his heart is as elusive as the loch ness monster...and he did her too.

talents include: unparalleled wit, stunning hotness, mocking hipsters, hating dubstep, smokin' zombies, being ninja, hater swatting, kanye shrugging.

pet-peeves: flavor-wasting, capital letters and people not on his level of awesome

to sum it up- he needs a girlfriend now. help him before it's too late, ladies.