User:MistressxofxPain

MTI - Monkey Touchers International
We are Monkey Touching Professionals. We do ALL things in association with the Touching of Monkeys. We ask that if you have an issue with a Monkey, you do not attempt to Touch the Monkey alone as this may prove fatal.

Monkey Touching is an art and a privilege. All Monkeys that are Touched by us are never unhappy and always rest more peacably after each session. We at MTI strive to please the Monkey and though it may not remain calm during any Touching that might be going on, we do make sure that by the end of the Touching session, the Monkey is sleepy and content.

Suggested Activities:

Bathing: When bathing Monkeys, one must wear protection. Gently rub the fur in soothing circular motions, while water is running, to moisten the fur. Apply a shea butter soap on said monkey and rub slightly more vigorously to lather up the soap. When the Monkey appears clean and fresh, rinse with a strong water flow as to remove the soap quickly and to stimulate the Monkey, leaving it relaxed and happy.

Petting: Start with your hand on the base of the neck. Curl your figures slightly. Then, slowly stroke the Monkey in a downward motion until you reach the tip of the tail. Repeat this motion alternating fast and slow strokes until Monkey is satisfied and limp with contentment.

Twister: This should be fun for you and the Monkey. Due to the sharp claws that Monkeys have, it is best to do this activity naked so ur clothes dont get ripped

Monkey Anomolies:

Hairy Shaved Skinny Phat Lice infested Ect...

''Some Monkeys should NEVER be Touched no matter what.. If you should see one of those Monkeys, please call our helpline for further instructions:'' Helpline: 1-800-NO-Touch {ext: ing}

E-40 "You and Dat" Chipmunk Style:

(This page was created for purely fun! No actual Monkey's of the primate type are involved in said Touching! XD)

Feel free to make comments and suggestions for my fun "article" on the proper page. [] ty.

--MistressxofxPain (talk) 00:30, 12 February 2009 (UTC)