User:Mitsuo500/Commodification/Songbirdsnake Peer Review

Terry Response:
Songbirdsnake, Thank you for the thorough and favorable review of the editing and thank you for the tips to improve my article. I did have a question of how to fix the lead section “concepts” sentence and you gave a great edit tip. I have added a section on Love and moved the advertising statement down to Media section. I liked how the article turned out as feels more streamlined than before I started working on it. I think I have time to expand a few of the topics and clean up some of the wording. I also found it interesting that Commodification of Nature and Commodification of Water were so built out and I leaned on those articles for ideas on improving Commodification. I’ll start putting in links probably next week after I stop making edits. Great review, thanks!

General info
Mitsuo500
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Mitsuo500/Commodification
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Commodification

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead
The lead is short and sweet. Since so much of the article body is covering the commodification of culture specifically, it might be good to mention either the definition or how this phenomenon has become an important issue in the last few decades.

The examples you listed aren't necessarily consistent with the examples provided in the article body. I would consider changing those examples in the lead (patriotism, sport, etc.) to topics you do mention or creating sections for those examples in the article.

Content
The content added is very relevant and up-to-date. I would consider paraphrasing the chunks of quotations from articles/textbooks and expanding on some sections (see specific examples below).

The introduction to the history section helped me to understand the difference between commodified and commoditized. I'm not sure if you need that whole quote from Surowiecki. Is there a way you can summarize the ideas presented in that example in a more generalized sense?

The first sentence of the Commodification of Culture sentence is a bit confusing. I would consider rewording for clarity.

The mention of American advertising being a driving force for the commodification of culture is really interesting. I wonder if you'd be able to expand upon that a bit more and maybe create its own section within History?

Similar to the American advertising portion in the intro of Commodification of Culture, the Commodification of American culture seems like it could be a section in and of itself, if there's enough existing research out there. Or maybe it would somehow be combined with the mass media section that you added. I would love to see more about that subtopic.

I can see why you removed the section on Love and Relationships, especially considering that it is opinionated. However, since you mention love as being commodified in the terminology section, it might be good to keep a portion of this section, even if it means you have to rewrite it with a different source.

I like the addition of the pros and cons of the commodification of tourism. It might be beneficial to include a section on the pros and cons (or rather, the opportunities and criticisms) of commodification as a whole. Have there been any positive outcomes of commodification?

Tone and Balance
The content added is neutral and free of any biases. Commodification can be a very polarizing topic, and you do a very good job of remaining impartial. Like I said above, I would love to see a comparison of the pros and cons of commodification (not just in terms of tourism). Why has it thrived and progressed the way that it has over the decades? What are the resulting effects on society?

Sources and References
I didn't find any statements that were unsupported. The sources all seem reliable and relatively current. The only citation I would check on is the Baran & Davis textbook. I didn't see a year cited, so I wasn't sure if the citation was complete.

You can definitely add more links to other wiki articles. I just went through my article, looked for people, organizations, topics, and terms that I believed might already have an existing wiki article and began linking everything I could find.

Side note, I found it interesting that there are completely separate articles for the commodification of water and nature. It feels like those two articles should be components of this one. Nonetheless, that is beyond the scope of this assignment.

Organization
There were some sentences that I found difficult to understand or felt could be condensed (see content section). But other than that, the organization is very clear. Placing the Marxist section under History was a good choice. The only thing I would love to see more of is expanded subsections. The information you have is great, but it seems that there's more you can cover, especially in some of those Commodification of Culture sections (media, self-commodification, subcultures). And, I think adding some of these subsections to the lead would make it flow a bit more.

I love the fact that you alphabetized the topics under the Commodification of Culture section. That's not something I would have thought of, but it does make the organization a bit more clear.

Images and Media
The added image of Karl Marx is great. I also love the added images for each of the holidays. They are helpful in understanding how normalized the commodification of these holidays have become (and how we have become so accustomed to participating in that commodification). Captions for those 4 images might be helpful! Just depicting what specifically is being shown.

Otherwise, I think there's a good balance of images. Not too many, but definitely enough to break up the text.

Overall Impressions
The added content has definitely improved the overall article. I think the additional sections under Commodification of Culture are topical and relevant. The organization is much more clear and the references are appropriate. I think some of these sections could be a bit more fleshed out and sections such as American advertising and/or Commodification of American culture might be helpful to include. Overall, a great start! I look forward to seeing how this article changes over the next few weeks.