User:Mjgirard10/Urban agriculture in Barcelona/Treeluver123 Peer Review

General info
Urban Agriculture in Barcelona by Mjgirard10
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Mjgirard10/Urban agriculture in Barcelona
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:


 * The lead does a good job of introducing and listing the topics that will be discussed throughout the article
 * It is concise and links everything together strategically
 * An area that could be improved is the use of opinionated language. I think in some of the sentences certain adjectives and descriptions used give the impression that the article is trying to persuade the reader slightly. For example, in the last sentence of the first paragraph, rather than saying "...transforming rooftops, balconies, and vacant lots into productive green spaces that contribute to sustainability, resilience, and community well-being", remove the word "productive" as it sounds persuasive and maybe say "aiming to contribute...".

Background and History of Urban Agriculture in Barcelona


 * In the first sentence of the fourth paragraph, climate change and sustainability are capitalized, which I think is a typo as they are not proper nouns.
 * Each paragraph is concise and gives a good amount of information without over explaining. These paragraphs are also spaced nicely and each relatively the same length.

Techniques and Innovations in Barcelona's Urban Agriculture


 * The second bullet point, about rooftop gardens, sounds a little but too opinionated. Maybe change the first sentence to "Using the city's dense urban fabric, Barcelona has seen a rise in rooftop gardening projects."
 * This section lacks citations. Adding either one general citation at the beginning or adding a citation for each of the three approaches would add credibility to this section.

Types of Urban Agriculture in Barcelona


 * The first two sections "Community Farms" and "Hydroponics" could be combined into one or two paragraphs rather than bullet points. I does not flow very well with the rest of the section about agriculture types to have the first two in bullets points then the rest in paragraph form.
 * Introduction to vertical agriculture paragraph is very good, easy to follow and contains the right amount of important information. The last sentence could maybe be deleted as it gives off the impression that it includes the writer's opinion on the topic and the rest of the paragraph is just providing factual information.
 * Emergence and expansion of vertical agriculture: in the first sentence, "crucial solution", could be removed and the sentence can be changes to "vertical farming has emerged, particularly in urban settings, in response..."
 * This paragraph is quite good, however, it could be slightly more concise by combining a few of the sentences and eliminating excess information.
 * In general for the vertical agriculture section, I think it could be slightly shortened as a lot of the information does not apply to Barcelona and the title of the article tells the reader it is about urban agriculture in Barcelona. At the end of this section there is a paragraph about how vertical agriculture is limited in Barcelona, and there is a whole paragraph before about vertical agriculture in a bunch of different places, which is slightly irrelevant. Information about vertical agriculture is still important to be included but just slightly less information may be more effective to keep it relevant to Barcelona.
 * The first two paragraphs about Green Roofs are very good, they are purely informative and concise.
 * In the green roof paragraph about reducing energy demand, there is a statistic included from studies that have been done but it is not cited, there should be a citation here to the studies that this information comes from.
 * The paragraph about increased property value should focus more on the facts about property value increasing and maybe take out the detail about aesthetic appeal as this is an opinion rather than a fact.

Overall Impressions


 * The article would definitely benefit from a short closing paragraph at the end just to tie the main points together and conclude the article
 * Im not sure if there are any, but if possible any graphs or diagrams from articles that were used for research or data from the studies that are mention could be a good visual tool to enhance the article.
 * The article has a look of very good information and after removing some of the opinionated language, it will be even better!