User:Mkoch21Fox/African scarification/Emilyelizabeth19 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mkoch21Fox


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mkoch21Fox/African_scarification?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * African scarification

Evaluate the drafted changes
A few changes to wording I would make to fix passive voice:

One thing that tattoos are commonly symbolic of is fertility.

change to: "Fertility is one of the most common symbols found in tattoos across African cultures."

This is speculated to be a theme that goes as far back as the ancient egyptians given some archeologists’ interpretations of markings found on female mummified bodies.

change to: "Archaeologists speculate that the theme of fertility tattoos may have originated with ancient Egyptians due to markings found on female mummified bodies."

For those such as the Fulani or the Makonde, the markings were meant to magically make the bearer more attractive to the opposite sex.

change: remove the word "magically"; unnecessary connotation.

In many African cultures, the amount and complexity of tattoos would also be very intentional. In sub-saharan Africa, it is believed that the more tattoos someone had meant the increased likelihood in driving away evil spirits. In Makonde culture, more tattoos were associated with someone of a more respectable lifestyle.

change: "Across cultures, the amount and complexity of tattoos carry their own significance. In sub-saharan Africa, having more tattoos increases one's likelihood of driving away evil spirits. In Makonde culture, having more tattoos is associated with having a more respectable lifestyle.

clarity question: is "respectable lifestyle" referring to a well respected position in society? nobility, riches, power, etc.? Might help to redefine

Tattoos can also be used to symbolize the character of a person.

change: remove "be used to"; passive voice

For example, Amazigh tattoos would frequently be used as a way to express a sense of self-identity.

Change to: "The Amazigh use tattoos to express self-identity." (perhaps "their sense of identity" or "individual self-identity")