User:Mkoster1/Joel Robinson (graphic designer)/Ochoajaz000 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mkoster1's draft on Joel Robinson

Evaluate the drafted changes
Peer Review on Mkoster1:


 * Lead section: The lead does have new content added by my peer. They added their full name, updated their birthdate, and another detail about the artist's work in the MoMA that wasn't in the original article. It does include an introductory sentence, although I'd say it can be improved to briefly but efficiently mention the rest of the content (like mention career, education, and maybe marriage if very important?)
 * Content: My peer added more information for the career and personal life sections. The career section now has information on the artist's education, his struggles as a Black artist, their main careers, and his other work, which is all relevant. Since there's some detail about his MoMA work in the lead, it can be expanded in this section, along with other notable exhibitions/artworks. Maybe include any quotes/information if he won any awards or if there's anything else about his struggles as a Black architect (which goes with Wikipedia's equity gap). In personal life though, there is a letter from his wife I'm assuming. I think more detailed information could be added about his marriage (the letter seems irrelevant at first, but I figured out who it was), how they met since it seems interesting, and possibly how many kids they had.
 * Tone: The tone is very neutral and informative, which helps with getting the information across easily. Like I said above, his struggles as a Black architect seem important to his career, but seem "underrepresented", though I'm just saying there's lack of information about it.
 * Sources: The sources are from museum descriptions and even some archived magazines/newspapers. The content does reflect the sources on an introductory level, the sources seem are very in-depth and thorough, which I'd also like to see in the content. I'd say the content is up-to-date as well, with the most recent source being from 2021. I looked up the artist name in the Flaxman Library website, and I didn't see any relevant resources here. I would think his name would be in maybe some historical black designer books/articles. The links all work, and I don't think I have much information on the authors to decide if they're providing diverse perspectives.
 * Organization: The content is well-written and easy to understand. I am not catching any grammatical or spelling errors. The content is organized, I'd like to see how more information would be split up appropriately into existing or new sections.
 * Media: There are no images but it'd be very interesting if there were. From what I saw in the sources, the images would add some more historical context (vintage magazine) and the reader would definitely see what his work looks like of course.
 * Impressions: The article has been improved by the additions. From what I see, I think the very most relevant and important details were picked to be in this first draft, which was very successful in summarizing. Since the resources are very rich, the content can be improved by adding much more detail to the relevant sections (maybe new ones).