User:Mkuulei6/Frozen yogurt/Sophiegeary Peer Review

General info
Mkuule
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Mkuulei6/Frozen yogurt
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Frozen yogurt

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi User:Mkuulei6 !!! Here are my suggestions for your current draft. Great work!

Lead
Guiding questions:


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer?
 * I think that you could probably add something into your lead that introduces the ideas you will be focusing on (history, production, and uses)
 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic?
 * Yes
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections?
 * No, like I said above, you could add a section below what you have that tells the readers what this article covers
 * Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article?
 * The line about being regulated by US FDA isn't expanded on - could shorted that in the lead and add it to history with more depth.
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed?
 * The lead could use a paragraph explaining what other sections follow but other than that is good and comprehensive.

Content
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic?
 * Yes, the history tab was very short before and the information added gives a good up-to-date description of how Fro-yo has evolved
 * Uses category also offers more insight on how the industry has grown and expanded.
 * Is the content added up-to-date?
 * Yes
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong?

Suggestion I have for content to add :


 * 1) large brand / chain frozen yogurt stores could be interesting to add (Menchies, Yogurtland...) List of frozen yogurt companies this wikipedia page could be linked or you could include this in your wikipedia page and absorb this smaller one.
 * 2) I think you should move the information on FDA to the history section and elaborate on that / amke sure that is still up to date information
 * 3) Maybe add something about its popularity outside the US
 * 4) Nutrition section that outlines the nutritional facts of popular frozen yogurt chains / in relation to ice cream (is it really healthier)?
 * 5) Section on lactose free froyo? https://orbiscascade-washington.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01ALLIANCE_UW/db578v/cdi_crossref_primary_10_17306_J_AFS_2017_0478
 * 6) Section on stats and popularity? https://orbiscascade-washington.primo.exlibrisgroup.com/permalink/01ALLIANCE_UW/db578v/cdi_gale_infotracgeneralonefile_A342512214


 * Does the article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics?
 * No

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral?
 * The uses paragraph that you added sounds a little ad-like, specifically the first two sentences
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position?
 * No
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented?
 * No
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another?
 * No

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information?
 * The sources are not currently linked to the specific pieces of information, make sure you do this before you publish! (Right after the piece of information you want to quote, use the quotation button at the top of the page and paste the link in)
 * Does the content accurately reflect what the cited sources say? (You'll need to refer to the sources to check this.)
 * ^^^ but as far as I can tell they look pretty accurate
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic?
 * Yes
 * Are the sources current?
 * yes
 * Are the sources written by a diverse spectrum of authors? Do they include historically marginalized individuals where possible?
 * Possibly could add more information centered around frozen yogurt in other countries besides America (idk if thats even a thing other places)
 * Are there better sources available, such as peer-reviewed articles in place of news coverage or random websites? (You may need to do some digging to answer this.)
 * References 8, 9 and 10 aren't super reliable (blogs)
 * you should support the idea that frozen yogurt is healthier with additional information from peer reviewed sources (possibly bring up counter argument that although it is perceived as healthier the toppings / chain specifics might not actually be good for you)
 * I found a few sites by looking on Google Scholar, you could also look at the UW library page to get more peer edited secondary sources
 * https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0271531716308508
 * Check a few links. Do they work?
 * Willett, Jeffrey, et al. "Frozen Yogurt." Harvard Health Publishing, Harvard Medical School, 2022, www.health.harvard.edu/diet-and-weight-loss/frozen-yogurt. -- this link isn't working for me / i cant find the site
 * Other links worked

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read?
 * The first two paragraphs in History are repeats
 * Concise and well organized information in the sections you added.
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors?
 * Grammar suggestions:
 * in the fourth paragraph of history - keep the past tense consistent and change it to "customers increasingly sought healthier alternatives to traditional sweets which promoted frozen yogurt as the emerging go-to option"
 * in the fifth paragraph of history and in your Uses paragraph - replace moreover with additionally
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic?
 * You should add some hyperlinks to redirect readers to wikipedia pages on certain topics in the paragraphs you added! You do this by selecting a term and clicking the Link button at the top, if theres a wikipedia page it will link it. (HP Hood & TCBY both have pages you could link)

Images and Media
No added images.

For New Articles Only
Not a new article.

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the article more complete?
 * Yes! I especially feel that the history that you added gives a great clear picture to how frozen yogurt became so popular and well known. The article is definitely more compete and on the road to being much more comprehensive and explanatory.
 * What are the strengths of the content added?
 * The content added is very detailed and gives a lot of relevant information. Once you add in your citations it will be easier to see how your references connect with the information you added. I also saw very little grammatical errors in the sections you added!
 * How can the content added be improved
 * I think that the article could use some more information / sections (see Content tab - I gave a few suggestions to broaden the information past just history, production and uses). I also think that you should spend some time making sure that your sources fit the standard required (secondary, peer reviewed) and add some more sources to make your information more reliable if they don't.