User:Mmillerk/Ettore Sottsass/Lemonlime2020 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

mmillerk


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Ettore Sottsass
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Ettore Sottsass

Evaluate the drafted changes
The Lead could include more information. It's very generic right now so maybe consider adding specific names to his work and the styles/movements of his buildings and interiors. Under the subject "Olivetti," the first sentence needs to be rewritten. There needs to be commas included and so much content in the first sentence, it should be split into two. This might be a mistake, but there's a paragraph on the bottom of this category that's maybe meant to be in the beginning? It's written like an intro, so maybe it was already being rewritten. Also, there needs to be somewhat of a timeline structure when stating dates because they're scattered around sporadically and can be hard to follow. The categories Memphis Group and Scottsass Associati were well organized and easy to follow. The overall tone and balance is neutral, which is good. The sources provided are up to date, organized, and diverse. All the images included are nice to reference with the blurb indicating what it is. I liked the categories Notable Achievements in Design and Architecture; it's clear and listed nicely. Overall, the article is good. I think specifically the category "Olivetti" needs to be better structured with the dates and written more fluently.