User:Mminerp3/Mueang Fa Daet Song Yang, Thailand/Eriebe2 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mminerp3, Lilianavanzutphen


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mminerp3/Mueang_Fa_Daet_Song_Yang%2C_Thailand?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * there's not one

Evaluate the drafted changes
Intro/Site - A nicely, well-written intro! I appreciate that you added broad aspects of the site to invite more conversation later instead of solely focusing on one characteristic. I also like that you provided the location in the first sentence, but I am a bit confused about the sentences above the site's section -- were you planning on incorporating the very first part with the site's section? Because that would work really well! Some things I would add though would maybe be to add links to outside Wikipedia articles that relate to something you mention, such as one that guides a reader to what Dvaravati culture is.

Landscape/Architecture - You provided a great amount of info! There's lots of nice detailed info in these sections that are helpful for the readers to gain a more comprehensive understanding of the landscape and architecture, but I might add that there could be some info that is not necessary or could be condensed into more concise, direct sentences. I might also add that some sentences are a bit too short and the transition between topics and sentences could flow better if condensed and incorporated into fewer sentences that get the main points across. I thought you did a great description of details in architecture that were nicely broad, yet provided important info, and there's good emphasis of the community being Buddhist. I would add again that highlighting words to direct readers to outside Wikipedia links could be helpful such as for location, who certain Buddhist deities are, etc.

Cultural Practices/Contact and Influences/Mortuary Rituals - Again, you provided an abundance of info which is great! You added nice detailed descriptions of ceramics and how they're used as evidence of Buddhist influence, insinuating how they probably practiced Buddhist rituals as well. Although for the Cultural Practices section, I would say to maybe focus on specific practices more because it mainly talks about ceramics, tools, and goods. For the Mortuary Rituals section, I though you again gave a love of awesome detail and it was well written, especially for the description of grave goods and the added explanations of interpretations of burials. I think that maybe what could help these sections even more would be to make the sentences transition better and to provide background info on some sentences because some info was vague and not further explained.

Overall Remarks - I thought what was really awesome was how much information you gave and the detailed descriptions in each section! I feel like that's super important especially for readers seeing this site that barely has public info about it online. Some of the things I would add (and I figured you just haven't done it yet) is adding citations as well as mentioning specific studies, organizations, archaeologists, or evidence to have better credited info. I think that there's some info throughout the article that could also be weeded out to get to the main points, but overall it was well-written with great amounts of info.