User:Mocseny3/Cyropaedia/Bregresch Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mocseny3


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Mocseny3/Cyropaedia?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Cyropaedia

Lead
If you're going to reword the first sentence make sure to at least include the hyperlink to the Persian Empire, but it isn't necessary to change from the original article.

I would keep the last sentence of the lead that was removed in the draft.

Content
"Indeed, Xenophon's portrayal of Achaemenid Persia more closely resembles Sparta than Persia itself." is bias and doesn't sound like a neutral contribution.

I think you however greatly improve the flow of this section which is, in the live article, a mess of quotations unnecessarily.

First Book
This section seemed fine.

Books Two to Seven
Since you reworded the first sentence, make sure to include the original hyperlink to Medes.

Reception
Maybe include citations of where this information shows up?

Legacy
I didn't see any issues, seemed mostly like just smoothing out the contents to make it not just quotations stitched together. Seemed good.