User:Mrbojanles/Robert Sugarman-Warner

Robert Sugarman-Warner, formerly a child chess prodigy is, according to the F.I.D.E, the highest ranking member of the Highbury and Islington Borough Chess Team.

Born on December 21st 1991 to humble beginnings on a Gypsy settlement in Norfolk, Robert, or Bobby as his friends fondly refer to him as, regarded with contempt the cold, dull marshland of his childhood home. In essence nature and the outdoors was anethema to him. This was the only excuse Bobby needed to stay indoors for weeks on end, with only a 1872 rustic spanish chess set and a cup of PG Tips Tea. For the next 10 years Robert rarely left the comfort of his parents van, if ever, only to replenish his cache of tea or to find a local village nomad to practice and hone his skills.

The millennium saw a turn of fortune for Robert. A $275 million joint sponsorship deal from Papa Johns Pizza and Ikea saw his profile on the international stage go from a relatively unknown child prodigy to the hottest name on the planet. At 11 years of age Robert was the most photographed celebrity on the planet with everyone from the Pope, to the Queen to hollywood A-listers such as Jack Nicholson and George Clooney wanting to be photographed with him. This rapid rise to fame saw Bobby develop a serious drug habit and in the summer of 2002 his adopted uncle Morgan Freeman checked him into a at a rehabilitation institute in North Dakota, USA.

Before the sugarman was introduced to Hollywood he was conducted to the rock and roll hall fame for writing such hits for bands such as led zeplin, ac/dc and even Elvis. in his youth the bobby the sugarman held 3 wbo boxing tittles and became the first man to beat David Haye, Mike Tyson and Floyd Maywhether in the same night. a list of Roberts other achievements include. A BA hons in advanced medicine, economics and Swimming.

After reportedly meeting Lindsay Lohan in North Dakota, she, 8 years his senior and Sugarman-Warner started what would become a 9 year relationship, known for its infidelity, high profile drug arrests and search warrants issued by the FBI. These came about after CIA hackers found large stashes of child pornography on both their laptops. According to one FBI agent, the stash they had "Made Michael Bublé and Jimmy Saville look like a couple of kiddy fiddling wannabes". After a high profile court case Robert and his legal team successfully pinned the whole affair on R.Kelly, stating " I let R. borrow mine and Lindsay's laptop one night to download us the new series of skins and he completely betrayed our trust". Towards the end of their high profile relationship Robert turned to the Koran for "peace, patience and guidance". He dedicated himself to this way of life for the following 3 weeks, before turning to Buddhism and Judaism when he discovered the Koran no longer allowed him to consume alcohol or pay for sex.

By the age of 20 Robert was the 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011 and 2012 Northern Hemisphere Chess Champion, and World Champion Respectively along with being hottest eligible bachelor in the word. Even while with Lohan he is rumoured to have slept with as many as 8000 women, reportedly including; Jennifer Anniston, Kirten Stewart, Kimbo Slice' daughter Rambo and Princess Märtha Louise of Norway. In 2010 he became a plus size model for Casio Calculators and Watches receiving up to $81 million for a 4 hour shoot. This was and still is the largest price paid in the world for a model of any kind and was regarded as revolutionary in promoting the equality and fair treatment of plus size models.