User:MuseumHours/Library of Congress Subject Headings/LBollefer Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

MuseumHours


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:MuseumHours/Library_of_Congress_Subject_Headings/LBollefer_Peer_Review?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_peer_review
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi,

This is a very interesting and topical choice of article. Please note that your passion for this topic is commendable and felt. Following this, a recommendation is the lead sentence is amended to be a statement, rather than a position. A thought is that this could be accomplished by removing the word "deemed inappropriate," as this appears to be an opinion rather than a cited source. If it is a cited source, it would be excellent if this could be included. Further to this, it is a recommendation to remove strong verbs or the adjectives, such as "significant" or "quarantining" to perhaps achieve the neutral tone as outlined in the training material. It is a thought that by doing this, your article will have enhanced impact.

Again, very interesting topic that I enjoyed reading.

Take care!

Lois