User:Mxd8371/User:Kcore142/Pesticide Incidents in the San Joaquin Valley/Mxd8371 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Kcore142)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Kcore142/Pesticide Incidents in the San Joaquin Valley


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * They made their own page.

Evaluate the drafted changes
 Lead/Content 

I really liked how your first sentence defines your topic and introduces the article in terms of the major topics that will be covered which is the "justice and health issues of people living in southern Central Valley". Something that was also great about this section was the way the topic was shown to be narrowed down from Effects of pesticides to the specific incidents. I enjoyed reading the Background information section, however I think most of this information is heavily recorded in other wikipedia articles, so keeping a more brief background could aid in focusing more on the incidents that aren't heavily mentioned in other places already. Some sentences that would help make the article more concise if eliminated could be "However, insects harming growing crop supplies, would soon become apparently problematic as early as the 1880s. Pesticides were introduced in the San Joaquin Valley around this time and by 1900... " These 3 sentences could be written in 1 sentence by saying: In the early 1880's, Pesticides, regulated by DOA, were utilized to eliminate the parasitic relationship that insects had with plants. As for the section about the pesticide controversies. The authors do a great job in explaining why these incidents were exactly contreversies as both sides are included. There was no omition of an opinion rather it was written in a factual method.

 Tone and Balance / Sources and References / For New Articles Only 

A major plus point of this article is the tone utilized. As authors, you have done a great job of keeping the tone balanced and neutral throughout the entire paper as most words don't have strong connotations. There is primarily many statistics that back up the claims made in previous statements whether it's in the introduction or the context paragraphs with the incidents. This is helping the article in not having any type of bias. In terms of balance in the overall structure of the article, I think there's more of an emphasis in the into and background informations section that could be more briefer. Including one more incidents could help emphasize that the article is really focusing on the incidents that the overall timeline. Overall, the rest of the article is extraordinarily written. When it comes to the sources section, I was truly amazed by the type of sources used. I liked how the author included Inescapable Ecologies as it was a major inspiration for picking this topic to create a wikipedia page over. Other sources that were used include, primary sources and secondary sources. I liked how the secondary sources are the most recent found where most of them are written and published in 2021. As for the primary sources, "Cole, Luke; Bowyer, Susan Senger (1991). "Pesticides and the Poor in California". Race, Poverty & the Environment. 2 (1): 1–18. ISSN 1532-2874" is a good journal to collect information about mainly because this journal includes accounts for the incidents and gives a first hand perspective that helps with the authors gaining information to write a more objective article.

 Organization / Images and Media 

As for the content of the article, I think that the topics are all important for the pertaining subject that the authors are intending to write about. However, another section that should be more brief could be the effects and the response section. It's great that there is an explanation for the pesticides and their effects, but there is a lot of information that is added in the end of the section that explains the after shocks and response. I feel like this could be at the end of the article where this could be a separate section labelled "Aftershocks or impact". Up until the sentence "Pesticide exposure in the San Joaquin Valley has continued to disproportionately affect low income farm families of color who make less than $10,000/year in income" could be cut off for the effects section and would lead into a better transition into the controversies surrounding the pesticides. There is no media in this article maybe because of the intricacy of copyright. However, if the authors want to use pictures they can find topic pertaining pictures at websites like pixabay.

 Overall Impressions 

Overall, I think this article is well developed and transitions smoothly for the most parts. Some of the organization could be fixed maybe by including a concluding paragraph that discusses the overall impact of these events. I was impressed by the organization of the sources used as well the various variety of the sources. I think including one more incident would solidify this article really well. Since most of you article focuses on the incidents I feel like providing a many incidents could help with the purpose of this page. Including a concluding section that summarizes the clear connection of health and the environment would reinforce the topic and end the article with a spectacular explanation.