User:Myousafi/Human rights in Afghanistan/Maansak Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Reviewing Myousafi's articles.


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Myousafi/Human_rights_in_Afghanistan?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Human rights in Afghanistan
 * Human rights in Afghanistan

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, the changes look like they are much needed and you have sources such as the United Nations and information from the treaty to back up the facts that you have introduced which is good for credibility. It doesn't seem completely done though so it's hard to tell other checklist items. I would look at maybe changing some words to seem less opinionated and more "encyclopedic" as there are some sentences like "Due to the negligence of women’s rights, a struggle of confusion has been stirred of where the constitution stands today around the laws against violence against women", which is a good sentence but seems to be stated more like an opinion or has more essay voice than the other sentences and information you have provided. Otherwise, it's clear and easy to read and I understand that the main point of the paragraph is saying that women's rights are overlooked.