User:Myousafi/Women in Afghanistan/Maalmor Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Myousafi's


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Myousafi/Human rights in Afghanistan


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Human rights in Afghanistan

Evaluate the drafted changes
I see that your contribution to the article will include important information and references, and to update the article you see the need to reflect the limbo to which women have seen themselves reduced yet again. This is very pertinent and it will make for a meaningful contribution.

One thing I would consider would be structure and format. As it is, your paragraph is long and a bit confusing. I think that if you break it into separate sentences and add space between them, as if they were separate paragraphs, you will be able to re-organize them more logically and see where you can break it into separate paragraphs.

Additionally, you have 4 references taken from the Indian Journal of International Law and just one from a different source, policycommons.net, which is also a great source. See if you could add a third one to make it more balanced. It would be great if you could find any news or material written by an Afghan Women's Rights defender in exile, for example.

And one last thing, I'm wondering if you are thinking in Dari or Farsi, because some of the sentence structures are difficult to understand. I would love to assist in editing, if you need any help doing so.