User:Mzdi7st4/Pecarmel

Pecarmel
Pecarmel born Irlam, Greater Manchester 1982, is a mythical beast which legend has it roams the streets of Withington, Greater Manchester searching for tasty chocolatey biscuity treats to devour, its favourite confections including Drifters and bourbons. Pecarmel has a selection of supernatural powers at his disposal, these include, heightened sense of smell, sight and civic duty the Pecarmel beast also has the ability too queue non-stop for up too 62 hours. Pecarmel has also been known to sport a permanent wry smile ever since he watched a particularly witty episode of Roseanne in 1996, the events of this episode which included John Goodman playing an accordian, have never left his tiny mind since. It has been reported that the Pecarmel beast has a penchant for fine coats, decorated biscuits and faberge eggs, consuming 7 in the past year alone.

The origins of Pecarmel's name are up for discussion, it has been rumoured to be taken from an ancient indecipherable garbling from a Withington plumber upon a routine visit to the 21 Cotton Lane residence.

Distinguishing features
The Pecarmel beast is noted to bear several bizarre physical features. These include, the eyes of Michael Barrymore, the chin, nose and ears of Paul Chuckle and a voice which intermittently changes between exact impersonations of the cast of grange hill. The Pecarmel beast is also capable of high-pitched vocalistations of its own name. The Pecarmel's body is covered in a beige coloured downy fluff like substance, similar to the texture of a common household duster. The Pecarmel Beast stands at around 7feet and 8 inches tall with an obese frame due to decades of biscuit abuse.

Rise to fame
The Pecarmel beast had his first foray into the entertainment business in 1988 at the age of 6. He won 1st prize in the Skegness Butlins talent show with an impeccable impersonation of Coronation Street's Deidre Rasheed who at that time was at the peak of her television fame. The Butlins talent show made Pecarmel famous on a global stage, with the Beast landing advertising deals with Skoda, Aldi and Tunnock's biscuits-you know the red and white ones with the wafer and caramel.

Biscuit Addiction
The biscuit advert was the event that sparked Pecarmel's fascination with all things biscuity. It was apparent that the tunnock's wafer was the first step on a detrimental ladder of biscuit abuse which would rob the Beast of the next 10 years of his life. Whilst on a tour of the UK's youth hostels for a bbc documentary the beast was once known too have consumed 17 packs of nice biscuits in a 42 minute period, when asked about this the Beast claimed that he was merely, 'A tad peckish'.

The catchprase incident
On the 14th April 1998 at 3:27a.m, the Pecarmel beast entered the palatial, semi-detatched home of catchphrase host and pillar of society Roy Walker. Pecarmel slinked into Walker's bedroom armed with a platter of delicious chocolate treats which included penguins and the discontinued BN BN biscuit, the heady scent of the cocoa roused Walker from his sleep. The Pecarmel beast was met with high pitched screams and foul language as the 79 year old tv host begged for Pecarmel not too harm him. Not wanting too further distress the tv legend Percarmel placed the biscuit platter on the carpet and promptly left the premises. The following day the authorities were alerted but dismissed Walker's account of the events as being 'Completely fucking stupid, even for Roy Walker.' Walker has not since commented on the events.