User:N.MacInnes/Indie kid bluffer's guide


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Bluffer's Guide to Being an Indie Kid
Right, you're here because you think indie music is cool, but you don't know anything about indie music, or how to get involved in the indie scene. Or because you just want to get laid with another indie kid. Either way, you've come to the right place. I'm not the coolest indie kid in my local indie disco. Nor do I want to be. But I've had over a year to watch all the really cool ones, and I know how they work. So read on...

The Look
In order to be an indie kid, you first have to look like an indie kid.

This may sound like a personal question, but what's your waist measurement? Twenty-four inches? Great! Now lose some weight. Most indie kids have hardly an ounce of fat, and very little in terms of muscle too, so sit-ups are a bad idea. Don't get me wrong, you can get away with being moderately skinny/average/err, large, but losing some weight will certainly be a good idea for most people.

In terms of clothing, you won't have to try too hard. Make sure the clothes are cheap. If they're a designer brand, make sure it's one nobody's heard of. Plain blue jeans are a good place to start, boot fit or loose fit. Whatever you do, avoid the two sins of chavy tightness or nineties boyband bagginess. A plain T-shirt is a pretty easy way to fit in. Anything from black to a bright colour. If you're feeling bold, go for a slightly amusing slogan, but make sure everyone else will find it slightly amusing too. Good examples I've seen are "I ♣ BABY SEALS", "IT'S NOT PINK, IT'S SALMON", and "NOTHING IS ANY GOOD IF OTHER PEOPLE LIKE IT". To top it all off, an optional black suit style jacket will go down well. If you're feeling really adventurous, you could make yourself completely different to everyone else by wearing something highly novel. It can be quite difficult to pull this off with coming off as a weirdo, or particularly flambouyant, but if it works, you will gain much respect.

The Music
If you're an indie kid, music practically rules you're life. This is why it can be particularly difficult to bluff you're way through it. But with a little knowledge in the right places, and a little luck, you should get by just fine. Forget about learning the history of indie, and its beginnings in punk rock, then American college music, then the progression of indie in the 90's (there, that's the basics for you), because that won't come up in conversation very often, and if it does, just nod knowingly. What you want to go for is a depth of knowledge on a few specific subjects or bands.