User:NITISHAKUJURSHALINIBIHAN/sandbox

GREATER IS HE THAT IS WITHIN ME THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD. I, Nitisha Kujur, am in a relationship with my best friend, Shalini Bihan,for over 12years. We are very very happy with each other and would love to spend life together at any cost.She is the love of my life and i am hers. Recently,i had to lie about her to my parents and family as i was being pestered and forced to marry a guy. I really dont want to lose her.I dono how to make her understand my situation.I love her and would do anything to be with her.I just want her to understand me and stand by me when we will have to face the world,esp. family.I do feel weak at times but i know i can stand against the world if she stands beside me.How do i make my gf understand this bit? I am in love with my gf,Shalini Bihan,since we were in school.We have been together for over 12years now.We cant stay without each other,what so ever the reason might be. We are from Ranchi, the society and family is not at all supportive of such relationships here.But trust me,both of us have been through a lot and are still together,whether a number of people like it or not.Even survived forceful marriage blackmails by family. How the hell do we convince them?We are not hurting or harming anyone.Why cant we keep everyone in peace? We have even decided on kids names.We cant be without each other.SHOULD I WRITE TO THEM OR TALK IT OUT? HELP ME GOD.

I am having trouble here lately. I want to come out to my parents. I'm just not sure ?nitisha kujur/SHALINI BIHAN Mom and Dad, I want to start off saying how much I love and appreciate everything you have done for me. There is never a time that I am ungrateful for the life you have given me, I couldn’t ask for better parents. You have supported me in every decision I have made and I am thankful for that. Growing up means making hard decisions and rough times, you have never failed to support me. As I continue to grow and start my life I hope that support grows as well.

I’ve spent countless hours thinking about when and how I would begin this letter. Everyone says there is a right moment for everything but it is slightly more difficult than that. With this, there is no right time. I’m taking a big step. I want to be able to end this year without having to put myself down. I’m gaining courage to be myself. I have been writing this letter my whole life and I’m finally putting it down on paper-or in words to you. So here it goes:

Over the past few years I have been hurting more than ever. I’m very hard on myself and I’m sure you have noticed that. I don’t always vocalize my feelings or problems to you because I am scared of rejection. Also I haven’t been able to fully accept myself because -I know for a fact- some of my loved ones will never be able to grasp this subject or accept me. It hurts me and makes me feel like I’m living my life wrong or like I’m an outcast. But I have hope that I won’t have to feel like this anymore for much longer. Now is my time to step up and be more accepting of myself. You always told us that you want us to be ourselves and I want to be that fully. I love you so much and all I’m asking is for your love and support. This may not be something you are expecting at all or maybe you did but couldn’t bring yourself to the conclusion. Well, this isn’t easy for me to say to you but I am a lesbian. I can only imagine the thoughts going through your head. Shock, confusion, guilt, denial, tears, it could be anything. There are probably a million questions you are wanting to ask like “how long have you known” “when did you chose” and the list could carry on. I want you to know that I am willing to answer or talk about any questions you have.

To answer both of those questions it’s not a matter of “choosing” but it is a matter of knowing. When Sundeep was my official boyfriend, I tried to like him as much as I said I did but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I never wanted to hangout with him, I was just pressured by my friends. I was relieved to breakup with him. From that point on I knew I wasn’t bi; I am a lesbian.

I came out to a good friend of mine, Shalini; you know her. She made me feel better about it and I gained a little more acceptance for myself. At the end of april 2010 SHALINI and I started dating and I was finally happy, everything felt right to be with a girl. Around that same time I came out to some other friends.They were so accepting and didn’t care; they wanted me to be happy and to be myself. I started not to be concerned what others thought of me and I have grown to be confident in myself. I was not open about it though. I feared getting criticized by religious friends, and ridiculed countless times. But I didn’t care what they had to say about me and my friends who didn’t stick around obviously weren’t true friends.

Even though I didn’t care what my peers thought I was still concerned about my family.In March 2011 I came out to kitty, she was the first person I came out to in the family. She helped me out a lot and I was nervous she would never see me the same way. She told me I would always be her “sweet sister” and she could never see me differently. I wanted our relationship to be back to where it was since june 2012. We worked things out and progressively got better. I trusted priya enough and just told her one day that I had a girlfriend, it was a few months before she had moved to ranchi. They were all so accepting and didn’t have a problem with it. I was so relieved to be accepted by my best-friends and sisters, family means the world to me and all I want to be is loved.

Now, I’m not expecting or asking you to accept me right away, its not an easy situation and I know your stance. Things like this take time. When you are ready I am here to talk. I just want you to know I am not any different than I was yesterday; I’m still your little girl. I have the same personality traits and interests as I always have. My thoughts and feelings are just different from yours. But whom I love doesn’t define the person I am. You have just learned a little more about me that shouldn’t be hidden. No this is not a “phase” this is the true me and my life. I don’t want this to ruin our relationship Me and my gf Shalini Bihan,have been in a relationshp for over 12years. We belong to a small town,Ranchi. We are together since we were in school and today we are independent and working but we still cant stay together cuz of society and family pressure. We have been involved physically as well and cant tell u to what extent. There's just no scope of turning around from where we are.I have given my heart,soul,body,my everything to her. I just want to ask you guys one thing, will it be right if now,after all this,my gf dumps me? In our society if a boy does the same to a girl,making her pregi,it is considered so wrong. This might not be the same but are the emotions involved,the love,the intimacy any different? Is the feeling of being loved any different? will it be right if she turns around..NOW?? I feel so miserable to even think about it.I dont want my gf to ever leave me at any cost.Thankfully,we are really happy together and nothing of that sort is ever happening with us.PHEW. If my gf leaves i WILL end my life and hers too:P Friends i just wana ask you,will it be right on her part if she does..ever?? i am Shalini Bihan.i have a grlfrnd, her name is Nitisha Kujur. We have been together for ovr 10yrs nw.we r deeply in love wid 1 anothr and wud definitely fite d world for each othr.i do care bout Nitisha a lot,evn more than myslf. prob is my gf is suicidal. she cud evn take the minutest of issues to the extremes. be it not being able to see each other on a particular day, me not willing for sex at times and so on. its not that i dont love her,just that i am off and tired at times. she is using the suicidal threat for almost everything these days and i do give in most of the time. i dont want her to hurt herself in anyway. 2ndly, she z into drugs.i could again go to any level to keep her away from doing drugs. but again she threatens to do drugs and kill herslf if i fail even 1c in the million times i try keeping her happy. its not that she doesnt keep me happy,i gues i am the happiest with her. she is not at all bad in any way.its jus these threats i fear. before i came in her life as her partner,her life was full of pain and misery.she has been molested,assaulted and iltreated by close ones. i just want happiness for her now. her parents are of the idea tat if they get her married things wud get fixed. Sothey started forcing my gf for marriage. Mygf told me everythn and also how her family kept pushing her for it.she told me she was a burden for her parents and her parents did nt care bout her and only cared about the society.Injune 2010, they even got her engaged and obviously it broke.Mygf ws never up for it and we wanted to be together always. For a few days her parents stopped forcing her but now again the same thing is happening.Mygf is getting desperate now and wants me to move in with her at any cost.she is even ready to leave her family. problm is i have responsibilities and obligations.i wanna be with her and take care of her as well,the way she wants me to. i dont understand how to balance it all.what can i do?