User:NSB5203/Death of Vincent van Gogh/Liyah8118 Peer Review

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(NSB5203)


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 * Death of Vincent van Gogh

Evaluate the drafted changes
There are a few mistakes, for example, capitalization errors, misspellings of names, and a few grammar issues. While reviewing your article, I wrote a few suggestions in bold with parentheses around them. (example) Some suggestions that I have that can better your review is adding punctuation such as commas, periods, and quotation marks. There were a few words that were missing capitalization or needed capitalization. There were also many misspellings, especially on the artist’s name, you spelled his name as “Vincant Van Gogh” when the correct spelling is “Vincent van Gogh.” I also fixed a grammatical mistake and reworded a few sentences. Overall, the proposals you chose to add to the article are great. It is organized and well-sectioned, it continues to stay neutral, and I think it will improve the article.

Add to the section Deteriorating mental health

Vincent van Gogh, suffering from severe depression, cuts off the lower part of his left ear with a razor while staying in Arles, France. (Looks good, don’t forget to add a period!)

Add to the section Deteriorating mental health

(Add capitalization)throughout his lifetime(Add a comma) (Misspelled Vicent’s name)Vincant (Lowercase the v)Van Gogh always got the bad end of the stick so to speak, living a life of ridicule.

Add to the section The Shooting (Separate description) (Add capitalization)local kids would harass (Misspelled Vincent’s name)Vincant (Lowercase the v)Van Gogh and (Turn “tried” into “try”)tried any way to get under his skin, and how they might have taken it too far. (or try to rewrite sentences as, The local kids might’ve gone too far when trying to get under Vincent van Gogh’s skin by harassing him.)

Add to the section The Shooting

One of the children who harassed (Misspelled Vincent’s name)Vincant (Lowercase the v)Van Gogh, her father had a gun go missing. (Misspelled Vincent’s name)Vincant was never known to carry a gun so some think she stole it and accidentally shot him. (Maybe try rewriting it as, The father of one of the children who harassed Vincent van Gogh gun went missing. Many think the kid stole it and accidentally shot Vincent because he wasn’t known to carry a gun.)

Add to the section Changing mood at Auvers from May 1890

Cite who Dr. Gachet was, (Lowercase the a)And his relationship with (Misspelled Vicent’s name)Vincant (Lowercase the v)Van Gogh(Add a period)

Add to the section Changing mood at Auvers from May 1890 (Separate the description)How (Misspelled Vincent’s name)Vincant (Lowercase the v)Van Goghs(Add an apostrophe between the h and s) upbringing affected him,(and) how his mother was caring but not always the best.

Add to the section Changing mood at Auvers from May 1890

Add information about his sister Wilhelmina(Add a comma) and how she (Change effected to affected)effected (Misspelled Vincent’s name)Vincant in their relationship. (Maybe rewrite as, Add information about his sister Wilhelmina and how their relationship affected Vincent.)

Add to the section Changing mood at Auvers from May 1890

Cite who (Capitalize j)johanna Gezina Bonger was, (Lowercase the a)And her relationship with (Misspelled Vincent’s name)Vincant (Lowercase v)Van Gogh(Add a period)

Add to the section Deteriorating mental health

Cite who Minister Salles was and his relationship with (Misspelled Vincent’s name)Vincant (Lowercase v)Van Gogh(Add a period)

Add to the section The funeral

Move images from the section(Add comma) The shooting(Add quotation marks) into the section(Add comma) The funeral(Add quotation marks)(Add a period)