User:Nana byun/sandbox

Origins:

 * 1) The Anti-Extradition Law Amendment Bill Movement (Chinese: 反對逃犯條例修訂草案運動), also known as the 2019 Hong Kong protests, or the 2019–2020 Hong Kong protests, are a series of demonstrations since 15 March 2019 in response to the introduction by the Hong Kong government of the Fugitive Offenders amendment bill on extradition.
 * 2) On 16 June, just one day after the Hong Kong government suspended the bill, an even bigger protest took place to push for its complete withdrawal and in reaction to the perceived excessive use of force by the Hong Kong Police Force on 12 June.
 * 3) The resulting political atmosphere in Hong Kong sparked a wave of mass emigration from the city.
 * 4) The approval ratings of the government and the police plunged to their lowest points since the 1997 handover.
 * 5) The tactics and methods used in Hong Kong inspired other protests that followed worldwide.

copy from 2019–2020 Hong Kong protests

I would suggest the lead changed as following:

 * The Anti-Extradition Law Amendment Bill Movements are protests that responsed to the Fugitive Offenders amendment bill on extradition which introduced by Hong Kong government since 15 March 2019.

The original text is too long and redundent, like"the 2019 Hong Kong protest are series of demostrations since 2019... ".


 * On 16 June, just one day after the Hong Kong government suspended the bill, an even bigger protest took place to push for its complete withdrawal. The increase size of protest had caused  the violence actions, which directly lead to the police enforcement that were considered by protesters as an excessive use of force, cause for the movement's strength.

Missing information is the reason that makes this paragraph not logically fluent. We have to mention the arise and cuase of the police actions before we say that they are considered as "an excessive use of force ".


 * Informations that fail to relatived with the movement directly, which should not appear on the lead page


 * Informations that fail to relatived with the movement directly, which should not appear on the lead page


 * Many protestes worldwide arose after the start of these movements.

I don't think it is a good idea to use the word "inspired" since it has an obvious tendency toward the action.

Complete draft for the lead
The Anti-Extradition Law Amendment Bill Movements are protests that responsed to the Fugitive Offenders amendment bill on extradition which introduced by Hong Kong government since 15 March 2019. The protests began with a sit-in at the government headquarters on 15 March 2019 and a demonstration attended by hundreds of thousands on 9 June 2019, followed by a gathering outside the Legislative Council Complex to stall the bill's second reading on 12 June.

On 16 June, just one day after the Hong Kong government suspended the bill, an even bigger protest took place to push for its complete withdrawal. The increase size of protest had caused  the violence actions, which directly lead to the police enforcement that were considered by protesters as an excessive use of force, cause for the strengthen of the conflict.

As the protests progressed, activists laid out five key demands (see Objectives), and Lam withdrew the bill on 4 September, refused to concede the other four demands. A month later, she invoked the emergency powers to implement an anti-mask law. Confrontations escalated and intensified.

Tensions mounted again in May 2020 after Beijing's decision to promulgate a national security bill for Hong Kong before September. More than a hundred people have been arrested since the imposition of the law. In July 2021, the Hong Kong government declared that the law had restored peace and stability to Hong Kong.[5][33]

Although the protests have been largely described as "leaderless" according to the protestor, the Central People's Government alleged that foreign powers were instigating the conflict. The United States passed the Hong Kong Human Rights and Democracy Act on 27 November 2019 in response to the protest movement.

Many protestes worldwide arose after the start of these movements.

(origin see from the lead page of 2019-2020 Hong Kong protest.)

Peer Review:

 * 1) I think the original first paragraph of 2019-2020 Hong Kong protest is good as it stands; I wouldn't make changes to the first paragraph.
 * 2) I am not knowledgeable enough about the protests to know if this sentence, "Police inaction during the 2019 Yuen Long attack and 2019 Prince Edward station attack further escalated the protests." is essential to understanding the situation. With that said, I think your choice to cut it out to condense the lead is wise.
 * 3) I like your decision to move "As the protests progressed, activists laid out five key demands (see Objectives)," to the third paragraph is good. That flowed into the next sentence well. I think you should hyperlink Carrie Lam, so it looks like this: "As the protests progressed, activists laid out five key demands (see Objectives), and Carrie Lam withdrew the bill on 4 September, but refused to concede the other four demands." I also think it was smart to cut this sentence, "The storming of the Legislative Council in July 2019, the deaths of Chow Tsz-lok and Luo Changqing, the shooting of an unarmed protester, and the sieges of two universities in November 2019 were landmark events," because that seems like information that should come later in the article.
 * 4) I think you should cut this part of the sentence "After the conflict at Chinese University and siege of the Polytechnic University," but leave this part "The unprecedented landslide victory of the pro-democracy camp in the District Council election in November and the COVID-19 pandemic in early 2020 brought a little respite." The pro-democracy elections seem important to the lead.
 * 5) I agree with this at the top of the page:

I think all of this information:

"The resulting political atmosphere in Hong Kong sparked a wave of mass emigration from the city.

The approval ratings of the government and the police plunged to their lowest points since the 1997 handover. The Central People's Government alleged that foreign powers were instigating the conflict, although the protests have been largely described as "leaderless". The United States passed the Hong Kong Human Rights and Democracy Act on 27 November 2019 in response to the protest movement."

would fit better in that new article about Impact.

Julyattitude (talk) 00:45, 11 November 2021 (UTC)