User:NewDancinShoes/sandbox

PEER REVIEW OF ABOVE

Overall: You took on a challenging, highly viewed topic! Good on ya!

Lead: I like the structure of most common/most concerning/unknown causes of abdominal pain. Consider replacing “gastroenteritis” with a layman’s term? I know it may be challenging to choose (transient viral or bacterial infection/stomach flu). Honestly it took me until the 4th year of medical school to learn what “gastroenteritis” means  and how it differs from the ever more perplexing term “gastritis.”

Diagnostic approach: You added a lot of good information. I broke up/shortened a few run on sentences to improve readability (e.g. “focusing in particular on” > “focusing on”). Needs more sources - by wikipedia standards you should have sources throughout this block of information, even if it is the same source. Rather than “one should perform a history/physical exam”  consider “a medical provider should perform” since the process you’re describing is what a medical provider would do, not necessarily what a family members should do.

PEER REVIEW OF ABOVE

Increased from Stub to Start, good job!

overall: Copy-edited some typos, follows the wikipedia manual of style, although they put Scope before history. Rather than leaving headings with no text underneath, either delete the heading or make sure each heading has at least one sentence underneath for future editors to expand later. In previous discussions the class thought it looked better to not leave headings alone.

Lead: Recommend expanding lead. Consider writing one sentence or one paragraph per section.

History: Define/simplify unfamiliar terms [trepanned skull?]. Some dates in the first paragraph would be helpful - approx dates of egyptian, greek findings, years for Dr. Ibsen [earlier than the 20’s?]. Also you say “Dr. Ibsen...birthed the intensive care unit” and then that “Dr. Safar is credited with creating the first intensive care unit in the United States” it seems that the organization of this sequence of events could be clarified a bit.

Scope: Nice use of layman’s terms for various conditions (e.g. swelling of the brain for intracranial edema). Consider putting “neurointensive care team” as a subheading under “scope” since scope is “typical diseases/medical conditions and important subspecialties.”

Neurointensive care centers: The sentence in this section seems to define what a neurointensive unit is, which is already explained a little in scope and history. It seems the information here as is belongs in scope.

Neurointensive care treatments: I like the selection of treatments. I  added the word “celsius” to the hypothermia section. If you have the time consider adding some context to hypothermia. Spell out abbreviations like ICP and TPA. Expand on the TPA section if possible. “Neuromuscular diseases” section doesn’t seem to be about a treatment. Perhaps this information belongs under Scope, as an example of the types of diseases treated in neurointensive care.