User:Nicardooo/Ashley Graham/Mageeking Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Nicardooo


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Nicardooo/Ashley_Graham?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Ashley Graham (model)

Lead

 * The article lead is identified as a weak spot by Wikipedia, consider adding some more information to this section
 * Possible add when she started modeling
 * Add significant contributions to the modeling world
 * Maybe try adding a sentence or two about each section of her page?

Content

 * You used "announced" twice in your last point about her giving birth, maybe find a synonym
 * What is her first son's name?
 * What kind of missionary work did she do?
 * Reformat the sentence about her husband so it doesn't have so many commas
 * Make sure you cite your sources
 * Try to add a few more things, maybe about her early life since this section is so short. You could include when/where she was born and if anything significant happened to her during this time
 * What you have looks good so far! Keep it up!

Tone and Balance

 * When you say that her parents were shocked about her relationship, consider changing this to make it more neutral
 * Otherwise this seems pretty neutral and balanced!

Sources and References

 * Instead of the People article, I would cite the original Instagram post announcing the babies' names. This would be more reliable.
 * You need to cite/make a reference list for the things in your sandbox
 * I really like the source on her Barbie. Definitely include points about this in her article, this is a big honor! A picture would also be appropriate if you can find one!
 * Consider adding more sources

Organization

 * There's a quote in the main article that should probably also be a block quote

Overall Impression

 * You need to add more information, especially about the Barbie
 * Consider adding a sentence or two for each section of her article in the lead
 * Make sure you're citing your sources in the sandbox
 * Consider adding more sources