User:Nickg420/Christo el hombre

Christo El Hombre
His full name is Christopher J Escobar. He is a mythical figure only spoken about in secret societies. Only one confirmed photo has ever been taken of Christo El Hombre. This photo was of him and The Rat Pack after many, many drinks. Sadly this picture was destroyed by a fire said to be caused by a lighting strike. Many descriptions of his appearance have been told over time. He is said to be over 6 foot tall with very broad shoulders and hands as rough as 60 grit sandpaper. His eyes are as dark as coal and the lines in his face are said to closely resemble a topographical map of Asia. He wears a handle mustache and his beard is patchy from an encounter with a mythical white lion. His clothes are said to be woven from the Shroud of Tourin. He always drinks the finest scotch and only smokes cigars that are hand rolled on the thighs of virgins.

Not much of his origin is known. There are rumors that he was born from a Gypsy mother in Transylvania who was impregnated by a centaur while peddling her potions in his woods. She was also rumored to be the only surviving relative of Rasputin.

Legends
- As a boy he was an avid fisherman and once caught and released what is now known as The Loch Ness Monster.

- Christo El Hombre is rumored to have drove the rats out of London Borough of Croydon in 1350 by playing melodies on his bongos.

- He is said to have invented the Jewish harp from LSD induced dream from a Myan witch doctor. This same witch doctor was said to have given Christo El Hombre immortality in return for capturing the mythical purple unicorn.

- Many unsolved mysteries throughout history that have resulted in the uncanny death of a person has been come to known as "The Wrath of Christo El Hombre".

- The character of Keyser Söze in the film "Usual Suspects" is based on myths about Christo El Hombre.

- In Cambodia where he was involved in a turkey calling contest with Satan "El Diablo" and beat him with the rhythm of his bongos and his life like turkey calls. This is how he received the nickname "El Hombre" (The Man), which is how most historians know him - Christo El Hombre. It is said that after he defeated Satan, he not only captured and killed an albino lion with his bare hands but ate his still beating heart in Satan's face while laughing.

- The Hopi Indians sacrifice a white dove every year to his image during Walpurgisnacht.

- Anton Szandor LaVey is said have kept a locket of his hair just for good luck.

- Christo also was a big game fisher in Tropic of Capricorn with Ernest Hemmingway and it is said "The Old Man and the Sea" is loosely based on the days he and Ernest fished together.