User:Ninaperezdesign/Robert E Paige/Slam6901 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Ninaparez design


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ninaperezdesign/Robert_E_Paige?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q56724900
 * https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q56724900

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

LEAD:

The first part of the lead provides a strong and concise introduction of who Robert E Paige is. It goes on to explain some notable accomplishments, but I think that it ends a bit abruptly. I think it may help to put a brief statement about what his work was like or the impact that he had on the design community. It mentions the Black Arts Movement, which has is further elaborated on later in the body. I think that the last sentence may not be needed in the lead, but should definitely be somewhere in the body.

BODY:

the content seems relevant to the topic. The first part of the career section seems to unfold in chronological order. it starts about his graduation and the take-off of his career. the tone feels nuetral and factual and nothing seems to be heavily biased. the content relates to historically underrepresented populations. I get a little bit confused when I get the the section of 'AfriCOBRA' because it doesn't have much of an introduction. By reading through the bullet points, I can get an idea of what it is, but a small introduction would be very helpful.

REFERENCES;

the sources seem to be legitimate and relevant to the topic.

ORGNIZATION:

some parts of the article get a little bit confusing to read. just look out for run-on sentences and read them out loud to make sure that they flow correctly. I think it will be more clear once the bullet points are combined into paragraphs. Additionally, the quotes are good but sometimes feel a bit out of contexts because they don't have an introduction or explanation. Also I do not know who it speaking through the quotes. there are few spelling errors, but that should be easy to fix. I think that the order of the sub-sections is organized nicely. I think that ending with legacy is a good idea. I would just advise you to either indicate who is seeking with the quotes, or to paraphrase them in your own words.