User:Ningombam Tomthin/sandbox

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How my little past memories amuse me...

It’s true when someone said, ‘We can never forget our first love’, and equally difficult to get over it. I have come to realize, it is the age in which we suffer from the pain of separation that influences our decisions in life. Separation during teenage with your classmate is more memorable and painful or separation with your ‘would be fiancé’; separation with your fiancé is more painful or separation with your wife; separation from the woman you meet and fall in love after your first divorce is more painful or separation from the lady you meet, marry and get betrayed after your first divorce. Isn’t it funny that experiences make us grow stronger mentally escalating our willpower and level of resilience, but as we grow with age, the relationship we get into escalates equally in its level of gravity and importance and this reflects on how we then choose to be in life. Isn’t it funny that experiences make us realize our trust was betrayed so it’s time we learn from it, but as we grow with age, despite being strong, our level of faith in ‘trust’ depletes with repetitive betrayals and we wear more shields – Making less people in future to know how we really are! Love meant the most ultimate thing to me in my life and career always followed later, but every time love made fun of me, laughed on my face and went, my career became stronger. There are very few positive things in life you do to distract yourself from the pain, instead of adapting to measures like drinking, partying to escape the emptiness. No matter you better your career or drink, the tears of pain remain cold in your eyes. Honesty remained always my weakness and with it loyalty followed on its own. It took me a long time to realize that when you innocently unveil every thought in your mind, you let the person know you well enough to betray you in its most miserable way. Sometimes you know every person at the back of your hand and you are known for your ability to know the devil inside them, but how strangely you falter all the time in love in seeing the devil within them. Sometimes you trust someone so much that you let them have space to have a life of their own besides ‘love’. When later betrayed, more than holding them responsible, you wonder if there is something wrong you did to not give them enough love. When you love someone so much they are all you think of. When later betrayed, people around you have to remind you to ask one question ‘Why?’ How embarrassed I went when it struck me I broke in tears before you but forgot to ask you why you did this to me. This must be one of my very write-ups when I have not cried while writing, but the pain is far more than the ones I sob about. Trust everyone, but just don’t trust the devil inside them! ** They told me “Never tell your gal everything about yourself”; they told me “Never open up too much before her, let there be mystery”. When I share my life with you, I do because you are a part of it. When I share my secrets with you, I do because you hold the right to know it all. I share a bond of wonderful friendship with you before anything else and I do not know a way to tweak in diplomacy. With you, I can be what I am. Every time I hear you laughing, I cross my fingers secretly and pray this lasts forever in your life. Every time I hear you in pain, my heart fills with uncontrollable tears and all I wish is to hug you with all the warmth. Every time I hear your silence, I wish I never hurt you again. Yes, I loved someone madly before I met you. Yes, I was mad enough to see hope in the relationship after every humiliation; even after I see some other boy love her right in front of my eyes. Yes, I was mad enough to cry helplessly and with every tear, I craved to hear her once. I gave 2 years of my life to her and it felt 2 seconds to her. Love became a stranger to me and I could no more believe in it; it was my friend who took me out of it and helped me see the world from a new perspective. It is when I told myself not to believe that I have started liking her. If I remembered smiling again, it was only because of her Yes, maybe she became more than just a friend. I still remember the day when she left me forever. I still remember touching her cold feet and telling myself ‘This is the only time you can feel her’. I stored all her memories as I saw people taking her away. Every time I see you looking at me with lot of love, I wish if I can love you back as much you do. Every time I feel the love, I ask suspiciously to myself if you are going to stay longer. Every time you hold my hand, I feel the warmth in your hand as much I can because I am too scared to have the thought of never feeling it again. Today I give my heart and soul to someone once again; today I give my belief and trust to someone once again. They told me “Never tell your girl everything about yourself”; they told me “Never open up too much before her, let there be mystery''.