User:Nishimag/Violence against women/Josalsan89 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Nishimag


 * Link to draft you're reviewing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Nishimag/Violence_against_women?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists) Violence against women

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hello!

Lead:

I did not notice any changes in the lead of the article yet, and was wondering if there were plans to add something about this section to it?

Content:

I think the content added is relevant and expands on the violence experienced by women in the context of immigration by giving a precise example of how this violence is manifested. I think the second sentence in the piece (copied below) feels charged with a perspective. The framing of the sentence feels like there is a particular slant to it. I think restructuring this sentence could help make it feel more neutral. If you chose to keep the sentence the same then I would suggest changing violences to violence.

I would also suggest mentioning that the data you are using to back up your claims comes from looks at refugee's in europe. This will help your addition feel more precise and shows that is corroborated by the journal you cite. The citation is from a reputable source since it comes from a peer reviewed journal.

Sentence I discuss above:

These women have already been through a lot in their country because of wars and political instability and now while in search of freedom they face all kind of gender based Violences.

Potential suggestion:

Immigrant women often flee their home countries due to violence due to war or political instability, when arriving at their destinations or throughout their journey they are faced with further violence based on their gender.