User:Nku2024!!/Polygamy in Pakistan/Kash2893 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Nku2024!!


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Nku2024!!/Polygamy_in_Pakistan?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Polygamy in Pakistan

Evaluate the drafted changes
"Polygamy is the practice of being in a relationship with multiple wives at one time which is called being Polygamous." This sentence has redundant wording. Taking off "which is called being Polygamous" would fix that. Or if you want people to know how the word changes, I would stop the first sentence after the word "time," and then start a new sentence worded something like "This is known as being polygamous." (Polygamous also isn't a proper noun, so no need for capitalization."

"Polygamy is not really that popular in this decade since less than 1% of Muslim men live with more than one companion in the following countries; Afghanistan, Pakistan, Iran, and Egypt – all nations where the training is legitimate essentially for Muslims." This is a run-on sentence. I wold break this down into at least two sentences. Also, instead of "training," I think you mean something like "all nations where religious practice legitimizes polygamy" or something similar.

"Other religions like Hindus was not allowed, because in the Vedic periods the practice of Polygamy was rapidly declining which made it seem taboo, therefore, it was considered immoral." This is another awkwardly-worded sentence that I would probably break into two sentences.

"Polygamy is allowed for Hindus but in India, China, and other countries." I wouldn't add this part in because the article is meant to focus solely on polygamy in the country of Pakistan. Hinduism allowing for polygamy in other country is unrelated information.

"According to The Prevalence & Determinants of Polygamy Among Men in Pakistan The determinants of polygamy are different like nationality, spouse's age, and schooling, increment the likelihood of kids, especially when a wife is infertile and only gives birth to girls or husband's longing for more kids, male dominated business." I would chop off the phrase "according to..." because we're suppose to be summarizing our works. Instead, just make "The Prevalence and Determinants of Polygamy Among Men in Pakistan" a citation you add at the end of your sentence. Also, the list should be reworked, because the end is especially considering. There also isn't any sort of "and" or "or" at the end of the list.

''"Polygamy is not really that popular in Pakistan only about 4% of males are in polygamy relationships. The number has been decreasing for many years now, because its just not as popular as it once was in Pakistan." "Polygamy relationships" should be "polygamous relationships."'' There should also be some sort of punctuation after the word Pakistan, something like a semicolon or a dash (-). Finally, the note about polygamy no longer being as popular in Pakistan in the second sentence is redundant, as it that information was already presented at the beginning of the first sentence of the paragraph.