User:Noafah/Faiza Bouguessa/C.saat Peer Review

General info
Noafah
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Noafah/Faiza Bouguessa
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Faiza Bouguessa

Evaluate the drafted changes
LEAD:

Your lead is great! You included an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic which discusses her company and its mission. I would suggest maybe adding a source to back up her successful company. This can include either an award or recognition of its success.

I also suggest removing the word “Oriental” as the word is outdated and biased. It did refer to the prior Middle East, however, it now includes Asian cultures. It’s best to be precise about which countries have access to her clothing line or even just simply use the term “Middle Eastern”.

I would also suggest removing the wording “effortless and sophisticated” because this is biased and descriptive. You cant say an opinion on wiki.

EARLY LIFE & EDUCATION:

You wrote “Faiza's first introduction to garment making took place during her early years while spending time with her grandmother, who taught her the basics of knitting and sewing.”. Its best if you add a citation to this to know where you got this information as int will make your text stronger. This way, you can avoid getting flagged by wikipedia.

I would rephrase then sentence “Her passion led her to take numerous internships in tailor shops while studying English literature at Jean Moulin university in Lyon from (2002 - 2004)” —> “She did numerous internships in tailor shops while studying English literature at Jean Moulin university in Lyon from (2002 - 2004)”. Don’t forget wiki is solely informative.

CAREER:

You wrote “The main objective behind the brand”, I would replace the word objective with “the brand’s mission”.

I would also say another word than “boomed and skyrocketed” (unless its a direct quote”. Maybe say “grew in popularity”.

I think there is a sentence error in this: “Additionally, Roland Mouret and Sara Maino from Vogue Italia, playing a major role in her status and role in the fashion world today.” Maybe you meant “played”.

QUOTES:

Your references are good as they are from reliable secondary sources! I would add maybe one or two more sources so Wiki can see it is a notable subject.

ORGANIZATION:

I would re-organize the sub-section career and make it into a paragraph rather than spaces to make it more structured and clean.