User:Noragalindo/Comadres/Izaahd Peer Review

General info
Noragalindo
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Noragalindo/Comadres
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):COMADRES

Evaluate the drafted changes
OVERALL COMMENTS:

Most of your draft is in bold, you should remove that even for the section headings.

There is also no information on the Lead, if you don't know what to write for it then its probably best to not make one.

You need to cite more, it doesn't mean you need more sources just make sure that there is a place that shows where almost every sentence comes from. You can reuse a citation multiple times, and add multiple citations per sentence if you can. You can always remove citations, but adding them after is more difficult.

Your references section should also be using the Heading paragraph style for the label. Almost none of the Citations are cited in your writing. Please use all of them for as many sentences as you can, you can reuse the same citation as many times as appropriate.

Majority of your references are not cited or they're cited wrong. You do an in text citation using the quotation marks at the top of the screen.

DRAFT COMMENTS:

'''Under the order of Maximiliano Hernandez Martinez, the Salvadoran military gained more power and raided/killed indigenous villages and people. -''' add a comma after and

'''Major shifts and violence around the country continued during the 1960s and 1970s. -''' what kind of shifts or violence, unclear

'''The conflict between the left and right wing grew stronger which lead to the Salvadoran Civil War which occurred from 1980 to 1992. The government forces and the guerrillas took this to their advantage as they abused human rights tremendously.-''' how (in both sentences)? add citations to this information

'''“In a sense, the conflict between left and right wings never ended. Throughout the 1960s and 1970s, left-wing guerrillas and right-wing paramilitary death squads engaged in a deadly spiral of political violence. On October 15, 1979, a group of moderate officers ousted the dictator Carlos Humberto Romero and formed the Revolutionary Government Junta (JRG). In January 1980, right-wing violence broke out against the JRG, including bombings against government newspapers, kidnappings and murder. All of the JRG’s civilian leaders resigned. At the same time, the U.S. State Department received warnings that right-wing death squads were allying with the military against the government” (El Salvador).-''' Needs a citation, not clear flow from the first paragraph and this

'''Women were involved in the war as guerilla fighters, activists, and post-war reconstruction. They were also heavily involved in NGOs.-''' Needs citation

'''Some NGOs were women founded and led, such as COMADRES. -''' Incorrect grammar

These organizations were seen as a threat to the military as these organizations often spoke and protested against the violence and injustices instilled upon their communities.- rephrase and cite this does not have a neutral tone

The offices of the committee were subject to police raids by the government, and the members were allegedly subject to systematic rape in order to destroy the organization. A total of about 48 members were abducted by death squads and subject to torture and rape. Of these, five were assassinated. '''It was difficult to track the number of deaths since they banned reporters and human rights representatives to enter the affected areas. They also claimed that an average of 30 people were disappearing each week, with most of them being lost of trace as well. It was believed by the Comadres that the Salvadoran government was attempting to bring out a positive image while there were bodies laying on the street telling a different image.''' It was established in December, 1977, with the help of the Catholic Archdiocese of San Salvador and the Archbishop Óscar Romero, to discover the truth behind the missing relatives of the membership. Among their activities are the distribution of flyers to get out the message, and the occupation of government offices to elicit the help of foreign nations in pressuring the Salvadoran government.By 1993, there were an estimated 500 or more members. A leader of this organisation was María Teresa Tula. --- Every single sentence is written with incorrect grammar. Every sentence is also a claim that must be cited. Comadres should be COMADRES

Aside from rape, torture, and police raids, the committee faced government repression. - Rephrase incorrect grammar.

In 1984, Comadres received the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights Award for individuals or groups around the world who show courage and have made a significant contribution to human rights in their country. In 1986, Bono of the rock band U2 paid tribute to their cause, and a similar group in Nicaragua, by writing the song "Mothers of the Disappeared", which was released in 1987 on The Joshua Tree. - Each sentence has information that must be cited

'''The CO-MADRES was formed of women ranging from lower, middle, and elite classes. Amongst these women were important leaders such as María Teresa Tula, Alicia Panameno de Garcia, and Sofia Aves Escamillas. María Teresa Tula came from a town called Izalco and was considered a lower class. -''' this information needs citations

'''Similarly as Maria, Sofia Aves Escamillas came from a poor background and from a small area called Guazapa. Coming from a rural area, her job consisted of agricultural work as well as making wallets and suitcases. While Maria and Sofia come from a lower class, their counterpart, Alicia Panemeno de Garcia came from a lower middle class and was a nurse in a hospital. Despite all of these different background, they were all married and had children which explains their motherly instincts to help find missing relatives. -''' None of this makes sense grammatically. Please cite all your information please, anytime there is a claim being made it must be cited.