User:NorthGoose/Story of Sinuhe/SpyroThePurpleDragon Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

North Goose


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:NorthGoose/Story of Sinuhe


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Story of Sinuhe

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead

Hi there! The original lead is pretty solid, but I think your proposed modifications would improve it. While the original article does state the tale is a narrative and discusses some themes in the second paragraph, it would be helpful to address that the majority of the tale takes place outside of Egypt. You were spot on to say that the tale stresses the value of the Egyptian homeland. I also think you're right that it would be nice to note who translated the story. Between your proposed edits and the original text, I think you will make a good lead.

Content

You provide a very nice summary to the Tale of Sinuhe. The original article's description left a lot to be desired and I think your edit fills the gap. I think we talked in class about Amenmhat I possibly being assassinated. Though the tale is likely fictional, a king being killed could lead to bloody political turmoil which Sinuhe may have been avoiding. However, I do not know if this could be elaborated on in secondary sources. It may have just been a possibility that we discussed in class.

I like your ideas for future work, like corroborating disputes on interpretation regarding the work being viewed as a fiction and digging further into sources. The original interpretation section is quite large and it could be fruitful to verify and/or expand/reduce what the previous authors have written. It is also a good idea to include a section on cultural significance. Considering there are enough remains of the text for us to read it today, it must have had some bearing on Egyptian life.

Tone and Balance

Both your lead and summary come across as neutral. Balance will come into play more when you tackle the interpretation section. The original article seems to do a good job staying balanced and citing the sources to backup the various interpretations.

Sources

Luckily, the article already had a ton of references from reputable sources that are from around 2000. It may be worth seeing if any changes in the scholarship have come about. You may be able to get away with using the preexisting sources to expand the article.

Images

There are currently a couple pictures in the article but the top one is fairly small. I don't know if there is a way to blow up this image or not. If that can be done, I think it would be helpful as its currently difficult to make out the image.

Organization

I think your planned organizational breakdown makes intuitive sense. The only grammatical error I saw was "Luckily the new king, sends for Sinuhe to return to Egypt." I think the comma should come after Luckily. The summary is well-written. My only proposed writing change in the summary section would be saying "Sinhue" in place of "he" on a few occasions to mix it up a little.

Overall Impression

I think you are well on your way to a great article. You have a nice summary and your planned work would surely contribute to the project. Keep up the good work!