User:NortheasternUEnvironment/Jigar Shah/Funkyfreshadventurer Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

NortheasternUEnvironment


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:NortheasternUEnvironment/Jigar Shah


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Jigar Shah

Evaluate the drafted changes
NortheasternUEnvironment's drafted changes to Jigar Shah's Wiki page have been both detailed and insightful so far. Their task section and course of work (what they've completed and what they still need to complete) is well-organized, making it easy to understand where the editor is at in his process.

The lead of Shah's page is concise and to the point. My only question is if, in the second paragraph, "Climate Wealth" needs to be capitalized. I'm sure the editor has a better sense of if it needs to than I do. Also, "the big problems of our time" seems a bit too informal for Wikipedia - being more specific here could make the article more reputable. Other than that, I don't have any other comments on the lead.

NortheasternUEnvironment's revisions to the Early Life / Education sections are strong and significant. Deciding to put this section at the beginning of the article makes it flow much smoother. Information could be added here to discuss his family (if there's information on his parents as well as if there's information on his marriage. That isn't necessarily "early life" but it could be beneficial to put more information on his personal life into the article.)

The additional information on the Department of Energy Loans Program Office the editor has drafted is also incredibly useful. Adding up-to-date information shows that this page is being continuously updated which makes it look well-maintained and reputable. Because Shah was appointed as the new director in March, I'm curious as to if there's even more recent information on him in this position. Has he laid out his plan for the $40 billion fund? What has he done since March, and how have people responded to him stepping into this job? Basically, how well is he doing his job?

The editor could also add a bit more information on the Carbon War Room and Shah's shifting responsibilities with the organization, but I don't think this vital.

As for grammar and spelling, there aren't many errors - a thorough read-through should flush tense errors out. The article is also neutral and objective, and is strictly factual - the editor did a great job with this.

The Generate Capital link does not work - make sure to check that one! Funkyfreshadventurer (talk) 01:53, 10 December 2021 (UTC) ~