User:Nqm5156/Kendall School Division II for Negroes/Nell Curtin Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

nqm5156


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Nqm5156/Kendall School Division II for Negroes


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * I believe there was not an original wiki for the Kendall School Division II for Negroes

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

This section of the wiki article is really detailed and provides a great summary of what you can expect in the entire wiki article. However, I do think the section may be a bit too long for a brief lead. I think looking for places to cut down on detailed descriptions while keeping all the main points will help create a shorter lead easier and faster for people to read.

History of Segregation:

The first couple sentences in the first paragraph of this section may seem a bit opinionated and not related specifically to education. I would either add in statistics about quality of education, violence against black school children etc. to back up the statements about mistreatment and abuse from white peers. The last paragraph can probably be shortened or even cut since it will be mentioned in the following two sections. It is important to stick to the heading topic and the court case/integration is not specifically part of the history of segregation in the school district.

Background on Louise Burrell Miller & Her Family.

The first sentences about the family and her marriage can be condensed since it is not relevant to the wiki topic. Mentioning their wealth is a good idea, but the whole content can probably be conveyed in max two sentences. Adding their specific address is a little odd, but maybe mentioning how long their son had to spend on the bus to get to school would probably be a good idea.

Miller v. Board of Education

This section seems very repetitive of the section above. Maybe comparing the two sections and keeping family history and Kenneth's education experience and what motivated Miller to file suit in the above section and focusing only on the court case in this section will be the best.

Student Life at Kendall School Division II

I am confused by this section because you ended your last one off saying students attended school in the basement but this does not seem like the gymnasium is the basement, could be good to clarify! Also I think you just need to make clear again that you are still talking about only the black students. But it is great that you were able to get details on the school life at that time.

Division II PTA

This section could use details about why the PTA was formed, how easily it was formed etc.

Brown V. Board of Education Prompts Desegregation

Talking about how the black students/families versus white students/families reacted to the desegregation. I also wonder what removing the Division II name mean't for the black students. I understand if it is hard to find information on that though!

Division II Memorials

Great section!

Overall Thoughts

I really enjoyed reading this article. Other than what I stated above, there were a few grammar and spelling mistakes that need correcting, another read through should be all you need to identify them. Some of the sentences aren't proper/english or don't read right so I would check for that as well.