User:Nreva002/sandbox

Article: Lewy body

Why: I chose this article because I find Lewy body dementia interesting, and this will let me learn more about the bodies of protein that cause it. Also, this article is S-class with a completeness score of 62, so a lot of room for improvement, and not on a controversial subject.

Evaluation:

How the article can be improved...

I numbered what I'm changing in superscript matching to the citations in the bibliography.

-Some elaboration on certain sentences would be helpful, for example: 1State what kind of microscope is used to identify them (Paragraph 1). 2State what "other cell components" in particular that they displace (Paragraph 2). 3State whether or not classical Lewy bodies are also seen in ballooned neurons characteristic of the tauopathies mentioned for cortical, and if not, what are they seen in (Paragraph 2). 4State how exactly Dr. Lewy noticed that people were acting differently (i.e. what change in behavior was seen) (Paragraph 3). State who wrote the Handbook of Neurology... was it Dr. Lewy (Paragraph 3)? State who Gonzalo Lafora is briefly before discussing his findings (Paragraph 3). State who was finally credited with the name (Paragraph 3). 5State more about what an aggresome response in the cell means, since that paragraph is only one sentence (Paragraph 6). Paragraph 7 should also be added onto since it's only two brief sentences and does not add much to the article (i.e. more depth on DSBs, 6possible explanation of why alpha-synuclein seems lower in Lewy body bearing neurons, stating the potential effects of cell death in this scenario). 7For the last paragraph, go into more depth about the similarities and differences between Lewy bodies and Lewy neurites, and their importance.

-Some parts are confusing, for example: The 3rd paragraph says several different years, but doesn't specifically state which year Dr. Lewy actually discovered Lewy bodies. The 4th paragraph mentions a discovery, but doesn't say what it is; it goes on to talk about an article (presumably the discovery), but it would be helpful if it said outright that the article was about that discovery. Also, the last sentence of that paragraph says how the contribution wasn't given to Lewy's finding, but that would be impossible because Dr. Lewy didn't even start to try to study Lewy bodies until 1910 (4 years after the aforementioned article was published).

-Some of the paragraphs could use more structure, for example: Make sentence in the second intro paragraph stating that there are 2 different kinds of Lewy bodies (classical and cortical) before describing them.

The strengths of the article...

-The tone is neutral.

-In terms of citations, the links work, all of the facts are referenced with a good citation, and the sources come from a diverse range of authors/publications.

-The choices of pictures are good, and their descriptions are well-written.

Overall...

The article has a solid foundation and great approach, but is underdeveloped and could use some changes in structure.

(Side note: The page hasn't been edited since September, and most of the talk page comments are from multiple years ago, so it's not just being started, despite its underdevelopment, which makes me more inclined/excited to work on it.)