User:Nyahbenett/Socioeconomic Status/Ngdana Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

user: Nyahbenett


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Socioeconomic Status Draft


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Current Article: Socioeconomic Status

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hello! My overall impressions of the additions you've made to "Home environment" was that it was very insightful and improved the overall quality of the article. I noticed in the original/current article "home environment" did not have a lot of information, so your edits definitely added to the completeness of the overall "psychological" section. An overall strength is the maintenance of the encyclopedia voice and a neutral tone. However, there is a lack of citations. I believe the best way to approach the citations is for each line try to have at least one citation. It may be hard to find citations that specifically argue or highlight the specific idea, so I would suggest finding multiple citations state different parts of the sentence or have the same overarching key argument. For example for the uncited sentence: "A parent’s involvement in their child's reading literacy progress is often overcome by generational disadvantages" if you find multiple sources that state a specific generational disadvantage rather than just stating "general disadvantage" you can cite all those sources for  that sentence; even better, you can follow the sentence with a ":" and start listing those generational disadvantages. This will add credibility to your article, as well as help you maintain the encyclopedia voice I went ahead and made some minor grammatical changes and also breaking up lengthy sentences. Below I will suggest some specific changes that will help you maintain specificity and the encyclopedia voice!

In "Socioeconomic status plays a huge role in the involvement of certain parents over others" I feel like the word "huge" makes the sentence bias. I suggest omitting the work "huge" or find citations where multiple scholars believe in the significance of the role. I also noticed that you use words like "huge" and "large." With the same reason, I suggest omitting these types of words to help you maintain neutrality. In "Studies show that when parents become involved in reading-related activities with their children outside of school “ reading performance is likely to improve, along with literacy and language skills, and a general love for reading...”" I suggest taking out the quotation because I feel like you can paraphrase or summarize the overall concept of the quote. This will help you avoid plagiarism.