User:Nyaronya/Mother/Android/HannSel19 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

I am reviewing Nyaronya's work.

I am reviewing Nyaronya's draft here. The current version of the article can be found here.
 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Overall Impressions:

I liked a lot of the planned additions to Mother/Android in the draft, and I was particularly impressed by the details that were found about the filming location because I think that is a really great new section. Overall, I think Nyaronya did a great job of adding more detail to the Production and Reception sections, but I think that the changes to the Plot section could be improved further; there are some punctuation errors and sentences that could be rephrased for clarity. I would also suggest the addition of images, especially of the filming location, as another area of improvement because I think that would make the article more eye-catching.

The following areas of evaluation correspond to the questions in the "Peer Review Checklist."

Relevance:

Additions seem relevant, and they do not distract from the topic. I think the additions to the Production and Reception sections make them seem more fleshed out, and this balances the page better since the Cast and Plot sections are already well-developed.

Neutrality:

This article is neutral. There do not appear to be any heavy biases towards a particular position.

Viewpoints:

The addition of Metacritic's review of Mother/Android helps balance the viewpoints in the critical response area. If other notable reviews could be found, I would also recommend adding them to make this section could be even stronger.

Citations:

The link to the Metacritic review of Mother/Android does not work.

The provided link on the draft is https://www.metacritic.com/movie/https://www.metacritic.com/movie/mother-android, and the link on the draft bibliography page is https://www.metacritic.com/movie/mother/android. Both give a 404 – Page not found error.

I believe that https://www.metacritic.com/movie/mother-android is the actual link.

Reliable References:

Each fact seems supported by an appropriate, reliable reference. The information comes from sources that seem to typically cover movies and film production.

Information:

Information does not seem out of date, but I would suggest adding more detail to the Reception section if possible.

Additional Comments:

Within the Plot section, I liked a lot of your rewording, especially "Meanwhile, Georgia meets Arthur, a camouflaged man who offers to help her. He tells her that he was an AI programmer and that the androids have learned to hack their software," because it makes the events of the movie clearer.

However, there are several punctuation errors and sentences that could be further reworded for more clarity.

For punctuation, I would particularly recommend double checking comma usage. For example, there are errors in the lines: "They travel through the woods (a comma should be here) avoiding all the roads until they reach a military camp" and "She walks through the building looking for Sam, unseen by the androids (a comma should be here) and finds him in one of the rooms with his legs badly broken."

Two sentences that could be reworded for improved clarity are the following: "The child's father and her boyfriend, Sam Hoth, asks her to marry him" and "After pleading with them to no avail, Sam convinces Georgia to let Forest go and have a better life."