User:Oahmad2019/Mining in Sierra Leone/EamonGaraGrady Peer Review

General info
I am reviewing Omar's (Oahmad2019) draft for the "Mining in Sierra Leone" page.

Here is the link to Omar's draft: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Oahmad2019/Mining_in_Sierra_Leone?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template

Here is the link to current version of article: Mining in Sierra Leone

Evaluation of the draft
Lead Section

Omar's draft does not include changes to the article's existing lead section. This was a sensible choice given that the existing lead already mentions that diamonds are the most important mineral mined in Sierra Leone. The lead section in place does well to explain the significance of the mining industry to Sierra Leone through the use of economic statistics and by mentioning how the central role the industry plays in the country's welfare has made it a point of domestic political contention. All in all, the existing lead section is quick and to the point, though it includes an extra couple sentences at the end about regulatory agencies which seemed to be a bit too minute in detail to warrant inclusion in the lead.

Content

Omar's focus of content expansion is on the history of diamond mining, its role in instigating and financing the Sierra Leonean Civil War, and the impact of key foreign corporation De Beers. Overall, this represents a solid coverage of the diamond mining industry in the country. The discussion of diamond mining's role in the Civil War is a very important contribution which Omar has provided.

This said, I found the fourth and final paragraph of the historical context section to be a bit difficult to follow. In this paragraph, there are a lot of new actors introduced all at once which makes it difficult to follow. I think this is because Omar did not want to go beyond the scope of the article by going into too much detail about these actors, which makes sense, but if he could find some way to recompose this section such that it fits better with the story being told up to this point it would greatly improve the understanding of the readers.

Tone and Balance

Omar does well to maintain a fairly neutral tone throughout his draft. His balance is best exhibited in the "De Beers and the Diamond Trade in the 2000s" section where he discusses both the exploitative role and influence De Beers has historically had, and continues to have, on the industry while also highlighting some new initiatives advanced by the organization which are aimed at cleaning up the industry. I appreciated that there was discussion of De Beers' efforts to improve working conditions in the industry since this is not something we hear about in popular discourse as De Beers is often presented as a prime example of an exploitative neocolonial force in Africa.

Sources and References

There are a few parts of the draft, like the discussion of the Kimberley Process Certification Scheme, where normative claims were made (in this case about the effectiveness of the certification mechanism in curbing the trade of conflict diamonds) without sources cited. Omar should make sure to add citations to these sections or consider removing them.

All of Omar's sources are reputable and he does well to include both academic and journalistic types. That said, the quantity sources could be improved, especially since he relies heavily on two sources.

Organization

Omar decided to follow the development of the diamond mining industry chronologically, which was a good choice and makes it easier to follow the trajectory and impact of the industry and its actors.

Images and Media

Omar added two images, both of which are publicly licensed, to the article in his draft.

The first is an image of Siaka Stevens, former Prime Minister of Sierra Leone, who Omar notes was important given his opposition to De Beers through nationalizing the diamond mining industry and encouraging illicit mining by citizens. The image is low quality and since it is of Stevens delivering a speech unrelated to diamond mining, I am not sure if it its inclusion is valuable or necessary.

The second is an image taken by USAID of children mining for diamonds in a river in Sierra Leone. It accompanies the section titled "Diamond Mining in Sierra Leone Today." I think the image's inclusion is warranted since it gives a small glimpse into what diamond mining actually looks like on the ground level, which allows for the readers to connect real faces to the accompanied discussion of human rights abuses within the industry.

Overall Impressions

Omar has done well through this draft to expand the article's coverage of diamond mining, which is important given diamonds' dominance of Sierra Leonean mineral mining and export and their role in instigating and sustaining the Civil War. As discussed in the preceding sections of this peer review, I think Omar can make his contribution to public knowledge even better by including a greater variety of sources, adding citations to normative claims, and cleaning up the last part of the historical context section.