User:Obfuscatiion/Boudica/SpencerPaddock Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Obfuscatiion


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Obfuscatiion/Boudica


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Boudica

Evaluate the drafted changes
''The Introduction is really good here, and I like that you are discussing Boudica's name. I would suggest adding a couple of formal citations for the facts you present in the second and third sentences. My peer deleting an original sentence from this paragraph was an improvement, because she removed a sentence that was more opinionated in nature than a neutral point of view.''

''In the second paragraph, my peer has a great walkthrough of the etymological history of Boudica's name and provides great context while sticking to the facts. My primary suggestion for this paragraph would be to change up some of the original wording in the first clause of the paragraph. The words 'clearly' and 'best' have a hint of a personal view in its connotation. I would suggest omitting 'clearly' and replacing 'best' with something like 'most complete' to keep that neutral wording. The addition made to this paragraph does improve the article while remaining balanced, in that it provides more information about the history of Boudica's name appearing in manuscripts and the errors which produced the various spellings of her name, while remaining neutral.''

I would suggest that my peer add a citation for the sentence describing Boudica's appearance in Cassius Dio, but she did a good job with choosing to still include Boudica's appearances in the ancient literature beyond Tacitus.

In the fourth paragraph, I think my peer did a good job with choosing to leave in what was written in the original article, but more citations are needed to back up the information presented.I think the addition my peer made to the firth paragraph is good, and provides another source of information to balance what was already present. I ''some further editing is necessary for this paragraph. I think the first sentence could use some of my peer's attention, as it seems to be somewhat vague in terms of whether it is talking about how we are meant to pronounce the vowel sound, and where the idea came from is missing. The second sentence could also use a citation for Rhys' suggestion.''

''The draft of the 'History' section is very good and informative. I would just have a couple of suggestions about some potential improvements. There is a separate Wikipedia page for Suetonius Paulinus, so it would be good to just add a link for that. A minor formatting suggestion is to maybe start a new paragraph when beginning to talk about Dio's account, just to separate the information about the respective authors. I would also suggest adding information about who posits the arguments for Dio being a simplified version of Tacitus' account. The last small point that I will address is in the first clause of the last sentence. I would omit the word 'in' in the phrase 'The abuses in which...' to make it flow into the clause a little bit better.''

Overall, the tone of the additions made by my peer is neutral and does not show any clear signs of bias. The information added is well-sourced and includes a balanced summary of the points of view regarding the topic. The content added is easy to read and should not pose any problems in terms of a reader being able to understand the information that is being presented. The major strength of the additions is that they are from good sources and are well-written. The only grammatical error is the one previously mentioned from the last sentence of the 'History' section.

Hello,

'''Thank you for the feedback, adding the links for unknown figures in the page will definitely be of help to the uninformed reader. I will look for the citation to verify Rhys' suggestion, though it was added by another editor so if I am unable to verify, I may take that out as it is not exactly pertinent to the article either. I will be careful not to write with personal connotations such as "clearly" as not all who read the article would 'clearly' know such things. As my article is quite long to begin with, I had to decide where to start and what to work on. I still hope to find more primary source material on what Boudica said herself, as this article does not have much of "her" inside it to begin with. Thank you for your evaluation and your suggestions, I plan to incorporate them into my final draft!'''

Paige Boyd