User:Ocaasi/oldtalk

You might be a Wikipedia editor if...

 * Your parents pay for your high-speed broadband connection
 * You've ever checked your watchlist while checking your watchlist
 * You've written articles about places your friends have never heard of
 * A 'binge' for you involves a subpage and a to-do list
 * The recent changes in your life involve Popups and Rollback
 * You understand how fair use provisions in U.S. law are less strict than non-free content criteria
 * You think Sunrise and Outdoors are nice, but they could use more images and a fully fleshed out lead
 * Your idea of conflict involves competing prioritization of V and NPOV
 * You once did original research but didn't dare write about it
 * You think random knowledge should be a Schedule 1 addictive substance
 * Your daily to-do list involves a backlog
 * Cleanup is something you do to templates
 * You wonder why is missing from the bibliographies you read in paper
 * Your have regular chats with editors from several continents
 * When you pass a stop-sign you wonder about uploading images without a copyright tag
 * The things you'd like to change about yourself involve a userpage makeover and subscripts in your signature
 * You have more going on in your Wikipedia account than your bank account
 * When people are speaking and you don't want to hear them you put an edit comment around their heads
 * You tell yourself that today you're taking a day off and then chuckle that the thought has now been edit commented out
 * You get your news once each week, sometime late monday night
 * You have edited more articles than most full-time journalists ever will
 * When you hear about PTSD in the news, you wonder if you missed an RFC at V
 * Newspapers feel like pointless one-dimensional voids
 * When cheerleaders shout V for victory, you wonder why they're not more enthusiastic about NOR
 * You think a shortcut is something that comes after a pipe
 * You believe every person should have access to the sum total of human knowledge, as long as they sign their comments
 * You wish the people you met had a contribution history; you wish your life had a watchlist
 * When your kids turn key ages they can apply for increases to their userrights
 * You wonder if why politicians don't pass through anything as demanding as an RfA
 * When you meet someone named ian you wonder what they are ignoring
 * You've offered to give your kids a huggle
 * Twinkle, Twinkle little star has been stripped of all its innocence
 * When people tell you about their hard day you ask for a diff
 * You've told someone that you're considering their opinion in proportion to its corroboration in reliable sources
 * You've wonder if your kids should skip primary school and instead base their learning in secondary education
 * You wonder why graffiti wasn't reverted
 * When people ask you where you live you give them geocoordinates
 * When you ask your kids to say the magic word, they form their hands into braces
 * You believe that God probably has Founder rights
 * You met your girlfriend off-wiki. She was the cutest typer in the irc channel.
 * The best compliment you've ever received was a barnstar
 * You're not just a grognard, but you're proud to be one
 * You know what's it's like to AWB the PRODS into AFDs on a couple of BLP COPYVIOS with COIs
 * You visited Wikipediastan. And you went native.
 * You are currently semi-retired.
 * You once took a wiki-break but took a flight back early
 * You don't know if you missed changes on your watchlist because it tops out at 1000
 * You don't know what the people in #Wikipedia-tech are saying, but you know it's important
 * Your get your weekly mail in a list
 * You've eaten so many images of cookies you're now on an Atkins diet
 * You know that Atkins died of a heart attack, because you edited his article when the news came out
 * You like to have safe sex, but you don't believe in page protection
 * You wear sheepskin condoms, because you prefer semi-protection.
 * You still use the pull-out method, since it allows anyone to edit and accepts pending changes
 * You think there's some kind of kindy boardgame innuendo going on with our antivandalism tools... Huggle, STiki. Not to mention Popups.
 * You don't know what Malayam is, but you know they love Wikipedia
 * Your favorite four letter word is GLAM
 * When someone asks you to a bash, they'd like to copy your chat logs
 * For Halloween you're dressing up as Larry Sanger.
 * Your sperm are all CC-BY-SA with attribution.
 * You know the names of all 18 arbitrators.
 * You thought the movie clerks was about helpful arbcom secretaries. (Try not to suck any WP:DICK on the way to the parking lot!)
 * You believe in the Wiki-Fairy
 * This weekend you're working on a little do-it-yourself WikiProject
 * You've used Encyclopedia Brittanica to even out your bed frame
 * You think Encyclopedia Brittanica peaked in 1911.
 * Your monthly edit count is higher than your monthly paycheck.
 * You opened a buffet and named it The Village Plump
 * Your name is X and you're a wikipediaholic; You've accepted that editing is out of your control and you defer to an editor with more userrights; You've apologized to all of the newbies you bit; You change the edits you can change, accept the edits you cannot change, and thank ArbCom for the wisdom to know the difference.
 * You wish the Supreme Court had 18 members.
 * You got a tattoo that says [edit]
 * You expect cops to give you 4 warnings before giving you a ticket.
 * Your favorite Cunningham is Ward, not Randal
 * You think the Founding Fathers are Sanger and Wales
 * You know that 'wiki' means fast in Hawaiian but it means 'end of your social life' in reality.
 * You don't trust your own birth certificate; it violates BLPPRIMARY.
 * You drive an Audi A4, which no longer exists.
 * When the world superpowers of the G8 meet, you wonder which non-existent country they depend on.
 * You're not wearing any pants right now.

Stages of Wikipedia

 * Welcome to Wikipedia!
 * This is amazing, everyone gets to write whatever they want...
 * Thanks signmebot! I'll see you around.  Hey, where are you from?
 * It is a reliable source, I wrote it myself.
 * Excuse me, there's a policy called NPOV and everything on both sides has to be included for every issue.
 * I have 34 Userboxes, 1 thousand 219 edits, 1 barnstars, and 3 userrights.
 * You've mistated the WEIGHT of FRINGE sources here conveying PARITY where GEVAL is counter-indicated. Also, it's a bit of a FORK.
 * This RfC is so fucking stupid i can't believe i started it
 * Let's not have the same argument again...
 * ROFLMFAO, put it on WP:BJAODN!
 * Grrrr.... templates.
 * This editor is a Labutnum of the encyclopedia and has the DYKs and block log to show for it.
 * What do you get when you cross a wiki-gryphon and a half-drunk doctor? The 5th most visited website in the world!
 * Here, take this Mop! You'll need it.
 * Hi, I'm a Wikipedia editor, nice to meet you.
 * My name is Jim, and I'm a Wikiholic. I think.  My wife, she's sure.
 * I don't like to call myself Founder, more like coooo-founder.
 * I'm on a semi-retired wiki-break. I'll finish editing that FA review by lunch.
 * Phew, 2 years went by fast.
 * 'Verifiability not truth' has served us well, as have all of the core policies. We shouldn't be so quick to change them.
 * Pending changes?!
 * If only Wikipedia had a pension? / Well, all this knowledge is a kind of social security / Yes, I suppose so. Anyway, work to do... see you around, pal.
 * Three policies: Stay neutral, ignore all rules, don't be a dick.
 * Welcome to Wikipedia! You're going to like it here...

Great Diffs

 * Homework helper http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=386295973&diff=prev
 * Best friends http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=386348226&diff=prev
 * An edit war http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=399471730&diff=prev
 * Stop it! http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=399480625&diff=prev
 * Ouch. http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=401661322&diff=prev
 * Truth in advertising http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=401672362&diff=prev
 * Good move http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=404438438&diff=prev
 * Two men enter http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=404614712&diff=prev
 * They are http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=404619119&diff=prev
 * Balls http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=405383328&diff=prev
 * King Tut http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?oldid=414361941&diff=prev
 * Two minds http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:PPdd&diff=prev&oldid=420377597
 * Heil romance http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User_talk:Schwarzes_Nacht&diff=prev&oldid=427241777 and http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia_talk:Arbitration_Committee/Noticeboard&diff=prev&oldid=431942660
 * Awh http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=True_Love&action=historysubmit&diff=463761416&oldid=463718278

Wikilawyering: A guide for aspiring tendentious editors
If you like it, call it consensus. If you don't like it, call it IAR.

If no one responds to your idea, call it no objections. If no one responds to your opponent's idea, silence does not equal consensus.

If you like the views in one forum, go with them. If you like the views of another forum better, cite those.

If you like the views of involved editors, call them relevant. If you prefer the views of uninvolved editors, consider them overriding.

If you like it, cite V. If the object with NPOV, call it OR.

If you don't like, call it OR. If they cite V, call it Plagiarism.

If you like it, cite Weight. If you don't like it, cite Weight.

If you like it cite ASF. If you don't like it, ATTRIBUTEPOV

If someone responds to your argument, don't answer them, repeat your original criticism (or choose a new one).

Whatever you do, don't engage the merits of an argument.

If someone doesn't agree with you, repeat your initial point. Keep doing this.

If you like it, require fealty to policy. If you don't like it, editorial discretion is the rule.

If you have a reason, don't share it. Just make claims as if your saying so makes it true.

If your opponent has a reason, accuse them of violating policy, blatantly.

If you are going to compromise, act like you're suffering a great injustice for the good of the encyclopedia.

If you are going to perpetrate a great injustice, call it a compromise.

If you have an idea which has already been roundly rejected by other editors, offer the same, but do it casually, as in 'see if this works'.

Know exactly which acts are likely to result in blocks. Do as much as you can within those bounds but never actually cross them. This shows other editors you care about policy.

If you can't convince another editor to see things your way, broadly write them off as a of POV pusher, SPA, COI, or other unmentionable.

''This is not a real guide, although it may be useful to identify the tactics of editors you struggle with. Instead of repeating them, try better ways to improve articles. If you find yourself doing one of these things, Wikibreak?''

User:EdgarAPoe
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I patrolled V and A'fC Over many a glib and random volume of encyclopedic lores, While I nodded nearly CAPPING, suddenly there came a zapping As of some one gently lapping, lapping at my user door. `'The sum total of,' I muttered, `human knowledge passed before - Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the ArbCom blender, And each separate trying member wrought its shadow on the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow From my diffs suitcase of sorrow- sorrow for the long Before- For the rare and radiant version whom the angels named Before- Nameless here for evermore.

And the rapid mad uncertain changing of each watchlist entry Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt outdoors; So that now, to still the bolding of my heart, I stood repeating `'Tis some template tagger posting at my user door - Some late template tagger posting at my user door; - This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my rage grew wronger, hesitating then no longer, Pal, said I, `or Misses truly your good faith I implore; But the fact is I was flagging, and so gently you came nagging, And so faintly you came tagging, tagging at my user door, That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; - Stubs were there, and nothing more.

Deep into that history peering, long I stood there searching, leering, Doubting, diffing diffs no man ever dared compare before; But the language was unspoken, and the response gave no token, And the only letters there quoted was the whispered word, 'Before'. This I whispered, and a reply talked back the word, 'Before'. Merely stubs and nothing more.

Back into the 'rticle turning, all my ire within me burning, Soon again I heard a lapping somewhat louder than the 'fore. `Surely,' said I, `surely that is something on my talk page notice; Let me see then, what threat is, and this contrversy explore - Let my heart be still a moment and this contrversy explore; - 'Tis the stub and nothing more!'

Open here I waited, shuddered when, with many a poke and flutter, In there stepped a stately virgin of the slimly days of yore. Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she; But, with mien of 'crat or steward perched above my user door - Perched upon a bust of Jimbo just above my user door - Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this wise girl coying my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the signature it wore, `Though thy name be short and shaded thou,' I said, `art sure no Jayen. Ghastly grim and ancient maiden wading in the WP lore- Tell me what thy lordly name is of the Wiki's tempestuous lore!' Quoth the maiden, 'Edit War'.

Much I ogled this famely gal to hear discourse so plainly, Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore; For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being Ever yet was blessed with seeing maiden above his user door - Gryphon or gnome above the sculptured bust above his user door, With such name as 'Edit War'.

But the maiden sitting lonely on the placid page, spoke only, That one word, as if her bowl in that one word she did pour. Nothing further then she uttered - not a wiki feather fluttered - Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown a'shore- On the morrow she will leave me, as my hopes have flown a'shore. Then the bird said, 'Edit War'.

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, `Doubtless,' said I, `what she utters is its only template and chore, Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster Followed fast and followed faster till her songs one burden bore - Till the bottoms of her mop that motto dripped and poured Of "Edit War."'

But the maiden still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling, Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of maiden and bust and user page, Then, upon the linen sinking, I betook myself to linking Term unto term, thinking what this ominous maiden of the cabal core What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous girl of the cabal core Meant in croaking 'Edit War.'

This I sat engaged in typing but no syllable a'griping To the girl whose fiery eyes now burned and into my bosom bore This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining On the couch's linen lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er, But whose couch's linen lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er, She shall press, ah, edit war!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, filtered from an unseen censor Swung by Seraphimblade whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor. `Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee Respite - respite and wikibreak from thy memories of Before! Quaff, oh quaff this kind wikibreak and forget this lost Before Quoth the raven, 'Edit War'.

'Sysop said I, `thing of evil! - sysop still, if girl or devil! - Whether temper sent, or whether temper tossed thee here ashore, Desolate yet all undaunted, on this wiki land addicted- On this page by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore - Is there - is there calm on metawiki?- tell me - tell me, I implore!' Quoth the raven, 'Edit war'.

`Sysop!' said I, `thing of evil! - systop still, if girl or devil! By that Founder that mends above us - by that God we both adore - Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant maiden, It shall clasp a sainted version whom the angels named Before- Clasp a rare and radiant version whom the angels named Before?' Quoth the raven, `Edit War.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, girl or fiend!' I shrieked reverting- `Get thee back into the backlog and the village pump tempestuous bore! Leave no red sign as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my user door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my user door!' Quoth the raven, 'Edit War'

And the maiden never flitting, still is typing, still is typing On the stubbly bust of Jimbo just above my user door; And her eyes have all the seeming of an icon's that is teeming, And the lamp-light o'er her streaming throws her shadow on the floor; And my account from out that shadow that lies floating on the user door Shall be blocked for - Edit War!

''User:Dcoetzee came up with the refrain. Edgar Allen Poe did the heavy lifting.