User:Odaikkuma/LGBT rights in Africa/Amaner222 Peer Review

General info
Queenie Odai
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Odaikkuma/LGBT rights in Africa
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Eric Aman

Peer Review Lead In:

One thing you did well was you had plenty of sources for every section that you talk about. I didn't realize that this was an issue in some countries and I'm impressed by the amount of detail you found about it. I don't really have a sentence that stuck with me and I don't mean that in a bad way. I just thought all of it was interesting since I don't know much about the topic.

Article Lead Section:

I don't really see a lead into sources you have. I asked Professor Benander about it in class because I wasn't a hundred percent sure what to say since my lead section was a little easier to write and the advise she gave was to write about why these two countries are important to LGBTQ rights in Africa. You might also go a little more into the history of LGBTQ rights maybe across all of Africa if that's a possibility(I know Africa is a massive continent with very diverse cultures and social norms. I just thought of it as a idea).

Structure:

I think the structure of the sections makes sense and I don't really see a better way to organize what you have found. I'd also say that most sections are at appropriate lengths and have good details about the topic. The only sections I think was a little unnecessary was you third paragraph in your Malawi section. I would like to see more added from that source because I would hope most health professionals don't agree with the public opinion in Malawi. I don't see anything else missing from the posted literature online and I believe all the significant viewpoints are met.

Neutral Content:

I believe you present this topic in a very neutral tone. I don't read any of what you wrote as an opinion piece and I like how you tell me the facts about the situation rather adding any filler. One thing I would ask though is are their any countries in Africa that are very progressive with their LGBTQ views and rights? If there is maybe you could add a section talking about that country.

Reliable Sources:

When followed the links to all your sources they all lead to what looked to reliable sources. They all were sections featured in journals or research articles posted with facts and research backing them up. I also saw you linked a lot of your article to 3 to 4 sources. I'm just curious if there are more sources out there because this seems like a very interesting topic that has a lot to talk about. But I didn't see anything in there that wasn't linked to one of your sources. The only sentence that was link I could find with an easy google search.

Reviewer Reflection:

One thing I need to do is change my lead ins to each source I found. I wrote it as me finding sources instead of writing it like a true paragraph. Another thing I need to do better define my sources and change how I say things. I know the way I talk confuses people often.

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)