User:Olivesaregreen/Nanomia bijuga/Kkitrick Peer Review

General info
Group 1: Andrew.gans, BeanoMill092, Czerwinz, Kao24, Malloryfitzhenry, Olivesaregreen
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Olivesaregreen/Nanomia_bijuga?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Nanomia bijuga

Lead

 * The updated lead does a better job at giving a brief overview without getting into vocabulary like neurocircuitry and nectophores
 * However, I am confused at the discrepancy between individual units of organism
 * in the original lead, it seems like these are called nectophores, but the update lead calls them zooids
 * does this statement need a source?
 * it gives an overview of the categories of the article (behavior, distribution, morphology, diet)

Anatomy and Morphology

 * I think starting the paragraph with Nanomia bijuga instead of N. bijuga would be clearer writing
 * grammar correction : add a comma in first sentence
 * "genetically identical, but highly specialized, zooids."
 * grammar correction : use a colon instead of semicolon
 * "comprised of two main body segments: the nectosome on the anterior end and the siphosome as the posterior."
 * the content is relevant and informative!
 * i think some sentences without sources could still use a reference, even when it is the same as the sentence after
 * finding another source for variation could be helpful, but understandable that it is hard to find sources

Distribution and Habitat

 * writing out epipelagic / mesopelagic in the second sentence could be better writing
 * good variety of sources!
 * interesting content about seasonality, abundance, and vertical migration

Behavior

 * i think this section could use a better opening sentence, instead of jumping right into escaping predators
 * second and third sentences could possibly be reworded for better flow and less repetition
 * "This rapid escape mechanism is rapid and comes from the Nanomia bijuga 's use of nectophore thrust. "
 * "Nectophores are swimming subunits that can assist in propulsion and thrust of the siphonophore in their escape behavior. "
 * its better to not use contractions in scientific writing
 * change It's to it is in fourth sentence
 * end of first paragraph seems unfinished:
 * "It's also been found that at certain depths Nanomia bijuga can change their body shape by drawing in their tentacles when disturbed and can assist with their rapid escape from predators. Another predator escape behavior that Nanomia bijuga is the It is thought that the shallow water and the amount of light may drive this pattern and is a method utilized to avoid predation. "
 * seems like one sentence was left unfinished and another sentence started
 * could have been drafting error
 * sentences could also be reworded / rearranged to flow better and make more sense
 * suggestions:
 * "At certain depths, N. bijuga can change their body shape when disturbed by drawing in their tentacles to assist in their rapid escape (add source)."
 * Finish sentence
 * "The shallow water and amount of light may drive this behavior, which is utilized to avoid predation."
 * the second sentence can be reworded / structured better
 * suggestion:
 * "When their spread tentacles come in contact with prey, N. bijuga rapidly contract their tentacles to bring the prey closer to their body. Unlike many other siphonophores, N. bijuga swim rapidly in order to spread their tentacles. Additionally, N. bijuga move to a new location every few minutes in order to find new prey."
 * good content and variety of sources!

Diet

 * is the information of the first paragraph really important for N. bijuga? it seems like it is more applicable to all siphonophores?
 * if it is more general siphonophore information, it might not be important to include
 * if it does pertain to this specific organism, clarify that
 * first and second sentences of second paragraph could be consolidated
 * "Organisms in the Physonectae (italics?) suborder of siphonophores, which includes Nanomia bijuga, have been show to consume a larger volume ..."
 * grammar correction : add a comma
 * "Despite its small size, these creatures can play a substantial ecological role in deep-sea food systems."
 * content is good and informative!
 * have good sources relating to different sources of food

Overall Notes

 * written with a neutral tone
 * linking important words in sections can help with reader comprehension
 * examples: nectosome, nectophores, siphosome, cormidia
 * examples: deep scattering layer, Monterey Bay, mesopelagic, primary production
 * examples: medusa
 * adding an image could be helpful to visualize the organism!