User:Olivia Jameson/Ephrem the Syrian/Jpeashoes Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Olivia Jameson


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Olivia%20Jameson/Ephrem_the_Syrian?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Ephrem the Syrian - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
The added content of your article was very engrossing! I think the way you directly addressed how Ephrem's writings indicate his attitude towards women will be very easy for people outside of this class to understand. The portion on "the Daughters of the Covenant" is a particularly good example of this, as you tie Ephrem's work featuring this group with the larger cultural and theological context, leading to greater understanding of Early Christianity overall; explaining how the inclusion of women's voices in the church is intended to represent Mary was clear and elucidating. Furthermore, this context connects nicely to the Ephrem lyric you included from the Nativity cycle. I think it will have a clear impact on readers because of their directness with you approach gender in Ephrem's works and because these examples are heavily contingent on Mary, a very well-known figure to people even outside of the church. I do think you could separate the paragraphs when you start delving into gender - starting a paragraph with "One such hymn cycle...". You might also start the paragraph with an introduction to how to Ephrem's works contain commentary on gender in Early Christianity, even if implicitly. The change from general information about his hymns to the section on gender may feel a little confusing to readers outside of this class at first.

Pertaining to the bibliography, I think you could do with more sources. You utilized the ones you have so far very well, so I would love to see how you incorporate other sources too! I don't recognize any from the course - maybe you could use the Cohick and Hughes readings to give a general idea of how gender was viewed in Christianity at that time and region. Or, if it wouldn't distract too much from the specific topic at hand, you could compare his writings on women with other authors at the time. I think there is bound to be a hint of bias now with the number of sources you have, but I feel like this can be easily rectified with the addition of more sources. With what you do have so far, I do feel as though you do good job emphasizing that the discussion of Ephrem and gender is "perceived" and not fact, as say in "demonstrates Ephrem's perceived comfort level surrounding feminine imagery."

Your articles has definitely been helpful for me in evaluating my own because of the detail you put into yours. As I mentioned earlier, you took a very direct approach to how Ephrem touches on gender - but you didn't spare important details. You gave a great overview while being thorough and specific to the topic in mind. Using lyrical examples gave even further depth and helped to emphasize the views you claim Ephrem had. I hope to have your level of depth in my own article as I really enjoyed reading it.