User:Omgpony

Lee Stratford (born June 2nd, 1978) is a Electron Especial award winning tootblootician and award nominated costume designer on the critically panned musical, Yeti, I Wish I Was. Lee Stratford has also made his mark on the erotic novel scene with such works as The Incredible Zipper Mouse, The Scintillating Adventures of Marjory Beaver and Grandmothers On Mars under the pen name R.D. Wagonpaint.

Early life and education
Stratford was born in a car headed South in 1978. In his early life he excelled in drooling and various noises. His nanny, Fargus Winklebottom, was very strict with him. Oftentimes he was forced to read the contents of turtle pouches for hours on end until he had them memorized. The two of them would often be found at turtle conferences, protesting the delicious snack. Winklebottom was quoted as saying "I'm just trying to teach the little guy how to stand up for what matters. These turtle snack famers are cruel and unusual people.  I just want him to know the truth" just before his mysterious disappearance into the jungles of Borneo. Winklebottom's disappearance had little effect on the young man, who was too busy punching babies to notice, if you can believe it!

As a teenager he was shipped off to a secret boarding school in the tight pants district of London. It's name is so ironic and cutting edge that if it's even typed out it would go out of business from the sheer mainstream buzz. It was here that he picked up his first tootbloot. Friends and teachers would marvel at how natural he seemed with that tootbloot in hand. He knew that it was the start of something very big.

Career
After his graduation, Stratford travelled to New York. Unfortunately for him the smell of New York triggered intense acid flashbacks and because of this, he spent his first six weeks there hiding under various shrubberies and staircases. Late at night, he would pull out his tootbloot and play like the dickens. One night he was overheard by producer Zipzop McMilligan who took him under his wing and helped him overcome his fears of monsters, buttons, and love.

In the spring of 1998 Zipzop and Lee collaborated on his first release titled "Jimmy" named after their mutual love for jimmying open locks. This first release was a commercial flop due to Zipzop's poor advertising choice, notably a series of television commercials starring Jimmy Carter and a zombified Jimmy Stewart arguing about who's the better Jimmy in a tub of jimmies. Following the failure of "Jimmy", Stratford sank deeper and deeper into depression and became known for his substance abuse. His unconventional addiction to science made its way into his next period of work, known most commonly as his MENSTRUAL PERIOD. Critically acclaimed releases in this period have garnered him both financial success and a huge following, and has also allowed for further experimentation in his more recent works. Stratford is also known for releasing many erotic novels (with his own funding). The end..?

Personal life
Lee Stratford has been named by Out Magazine as one of the sexiest bachelors of the new millennium and has been known to date such celebrities as Swedish model Jorg Borgsen and breakfast cereal icon Fruit Brute.

In 2004 and 2005, Stratford was arrested several times for participating in numerous rallies in support of Gay Fascists For A New America. It has long been suspected that he was a member of this group because of his notable tattoo that reads "we're here, we're queer, and also I'm a Fascist" which can be seen in the film Pony Princess 5.

Awards

 * 2003 - WINNER - Outstanding Achievement in Tooblootonomy
 * 2005 - WINNER - Electron Especial

Trivia

 * He's been known to eat a lime or two.
 * After a long stay at the Mayflower Clinic For Girls it was discovered that he was a boy.
 * His unorthodox way of driving (nude) has garnered much tabloid coverage in recent years.
 * His much publicized relationship with Fruit Brute ended abruptly when it was discovered that Mr. Brute was sexually abusive.