User:One-dimensional Tangent/About

About me, as seen from contribs
Hmm... I was just reviewing my contributions and I think that I can figure out my background from them:

From my earliest edits, apparently I'm some sort of scientist who studies air density, volcanos (volcanic ash, Santorini), and microbiology (Sterilization (microbiology), Fatty acid oxidation) -- although I'm not sure what field that might be. I appear to be a conspiracy theorist (The Illuminatus! Trilogy, Flat Earth Society), plust interested in weapons (AK-47, MP18, Sniper) and Osama bin Laden. Together these clearly prove that I'm a terrorist -- and perhaps also a Nazi (Erich Priebke). Numerous talk pages that I've commented on have to do with the US (Talk:2004 U.S. presidential election timeline, Talk:U.S. presidential election, 1820), which proves that I'm American. I'm likely a Libertarian. I'm probably a Jehovah's Witness (Jehovah's Witnesses, Doctrines of Jehovah's Witnesses, Talk:Doctrines of Jehovah's Witnesses), but in any case a Christian (Christian views on witchcraft). As a Christian, I'm a monk (Christian monasticism) and theologian (Sanctification). Or possibly I'm not Christian, but actually Islamic (Similarities between the Bible and the Qur'an) or "pagan" or (just maybe) I follow Bahá'í (Síyáh-Chál). Perhaps I'm all of them. That might explain how I'm both a terrorist and in the United States Secret Service. Apparently I listen to intentionally terrible music (Crapcore) and am provably an avid fan of Harry Potter (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Chocolate Frog, Andromeda Tonks, Fawkes, Alastor Moody). It's obvious that I have some sort of bovine fixation (cattle, dairy cattle, Brown Swiss, Milking Shorthorn, Banteng), and I'm surely a nudist. Those two clues put together clearly mark me as some sort of pervert (and as further proof, note that I once modified animal husbandry!), which must be why I frequented (once) several (one) articles on psychology (Complex (psychology)). Apparently my name is Douglas. Either that, or I simply starred in the cartoon "Doug". Both? Must be! I don't remember anymore who Lady Hester Stanhope was, but I might be her descendent, which conclusively proves that my sirname is Stanhope. So now we know that my name is "Douglas Stanhope". I might be a pirate (Corsairs), which would explain my fascination with tides. I live on an artificial island (List of artificial islands) off the coast of ancient Crete (Minoan civilization) but am German (Teutoburg Forest). In a past life, I was a king of Babylon (Nabonidus). It's not hard to see that I work for NASA (Lunar Prospector, Discovery Program, Apollo 11). Not only that, but I'm a former astronaut (space flight simulator)!

Altogether, my contribs list paints a very clear picture of who I probably am. But only the clever will realize my great secret, which I'm obviously trying to hide from the world... I'm Gene Ray! (Talk:Time Cube) That's why this doesn't make sense!

It's all so obvious.