User:Orilta/Tonie Marshall/Paulaacocal Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Orilta


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Orilta/Tonie_Marshall?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Tonie Marshall

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Orilta,

Your changes were extensive and varied across different sections. It was particularly insightful to see the added section of Marshall's activism; it helped to create a depth to Marshall and how she uses film as a way to express her beliefs.

Your cutting of some sentences to uphold citations or lack of helped to strengthen the factual statements that already existed on the page. There was also the extra attention to detail made for some statements regarding Marshall's awards; this helped with the clarity of the article and also made connections that Marshall had with other artists such as Audrey Tautou.

There was also the variety of references, and I do think that the inclusion of quotes from interviews with Marshall helps to amplify her voice. It makes the reader aware of her particular goals and objectives when making films. I do think there was one line that had a sense of emotion, which was, "If Tonie Marshall has been mostly influenced by Jacques Demy's films throughout her career, the most famous ones being The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964) and The Young Girls of Rochefort (1967), Venus Beauty emerged from another source of inspiration, the French film Belle de Jour (1964) directed by Luis Bunuel and starring Catherine Deneuve." The information in the line is great because it provides information on Marshall's filmic inspiration, but the "if" implies a personal familiarity in the tone of the sentence.

Overall, I think there is so much more depth added to Marshall's article, especially with her film's themes and its ties to her politics. Good job!

-Paula

Response to the Peer Review (Orilta)
Hey Paulaacocal!

Thank you very much for your peer review of my draft !

I carefully took into account your suggestion about removing the "If", which indeed can be read ambiguously. I will make sure to keep every of your returns in mind while continuing to improve my work on the article !

Have a nice weekend!