User:OscarBalloo/sandbox

David Wellbrook (born Feb 30th 1962), is reputedly one of the world's foremost jazz singers. Studying under the tutelage of Gaetano "Where's me Whistle" Gutierrez at the Peterborough College of Jazz and Dance, he finished 18th in his class and was forced to stay on for another year. Undeterred, he gave up and spent several hours trying to "find himself". David is still looking.

In 1994 he was implicated in the now infamous Bogota Coffee Bean Scandal and was sentenced to 15 years working as a trainee barrista in a Colombian high security compound from which he had escaped six years earlier disguised as a pacamara coffee bean. Undeterred, he gave up and spent several days trying to "find himself".

In 1998, struggling to make ends meet, and pay for his caffeine addiction, David returned to his first love. But his wife found out and so that was the end of that. Undeterred, David gave up and spent several weeks trying to "find himself".

As the nineties begat the noughties, David could be found roaming the streets of Leatherhead. He would happily shout at any passing cyclist and sign autographs for those with nothing better to do. Locals would comment on his natural good looks and cheery demeanour. David considered suicide but concluded there was no future in it. Undeterred, he gave up and spent several months trying to "find himself".

In 2009, with David now well into his 60s, he opened a petrol station on the outskirts of Basildon. It seemed like a tremendously good idea at the time as anyone who has opened a petrol station on the outskirts of Basildon will tell you, but his lack of business acumen and complete disregard for loss of life, meant he was closed down by the Refuse and Recycling Department of Basildon Council and forced to beg for scraps in the Wat Tyler Country Park. Undeterred, David gave up and spend several years trying to "find himself".

David was born at The Nightingale Hospital in Wandsworth and it is to here that he has returned. It now operates as a retirement home for wealthy Jewish stockbrokers, so his life has turned full circle.

He is survived by his late wife Sunita, and their three children, Balthazar, Melchior and Caspar. Caspar seems to have inherited his father's natural friendliness.

David never actually found himself but is still looking. It may take several decades. Who can say? If you find David feel free to tell him. He's at the retirement home for Jewish stockbrokers in Wandsworth as you know.